What goes around usually comes around at some point…

How did your childhood impact you?

We all have a revision mirror…

I see many adults who have grown up in families where mum and dad where “Yellers” and fight constantly. These grownups are now suffering in their own relationships. Some struggle to emotionally regulate, unable to communicate effectively, they may suffer from anxiety, depression, anger, or have low self-esteem.  Some have developed an intense need to control their environment and others. They have trust issues or have developed poor parenting styles themselves. Some need to excel in their careers by over working, trying to prove their value to others whilst not realising they are not valuing their family. And the cycle starts again….

Childhood trauma can be as a result of being raised in a family where mum yells and dad yells, where there seems to be little peace or mental safety for the child.  If a child grows up in an emotionally unstable environment, the child is very much at risk of suffering “complex trauma”

A child’s body very quickly acts to save themselves “Fight or Flight” the long-term health effects have been well documented.

Yelling at children can have significant emotional and psychological effects on them. While occasional frustration or raised voices might happen in parenting, consistent or intense yelling can be harmful.

Yelling triggers our body’s stress response, which when pinged over and over again can have serious long-term consequences.

Here are some ways in which yelling can impact children emotionally:

1.     Fear and Anxiety: Yelling can create a sense of fear and anxiety in children, making them feel unsafe and insecure at home.

2.     Low Self-Esteem: Frequent yelling can erode a child’s self-esteem and self-worth, leading them to believe that they are not valued or loved.

3.     Insecurity: Yelling can cause children to doubt their abilities and decisions, leading to a lack of confidence and self-assurance.

4.     Aggression and Anger: Children who are consistently yelled at may learn to model the same aggressive behaviour, using yelling as a way to express themselves or cope with stress.

5.     Social and Emotional Development: Yelling can interfere with healthy emotional development, making it difficult for children to express their feelings and navigate relationships.

6.     Communication Issues: Children who are yelled at might struggle with effective communication, as they may not learn healthy ways to express their needs and emotions.

7.     Depression: Ongoing exposure to yelling and a hostile environment can contribute to feelings of sadness and depression in children.

8.     Academic Performance: Emotional distress caused by yelling can impact a child’s ability to focus, learn, and excel academically.

9.     Behavioural Problems: Children might exhibit behavioural issues as a result of feeling overwhelmed by consistent yelling, leading to acting out or defiance.

10.  Emotional Regulation: Being yelled at might hinder a child’s ability to regulate their emotions, potentially leading to emotional outbursts or difficulty managing stress.

11.  Avoidance and Isolation: Some children might develop strategies to avoid situations that trigger yelling, potentially isolating themselves from family interactions.

12.  Long-Term Effects: The emotional effects of being yelled at during childhood can extend into adulthood, impacting relationships, self-esteem, and overall well-being.

It’s important to note that children are sensitive and impressionable, and their emotional well-being is heavily influenced by their early experiences. Creating a nurturing and supportive environment, based on effective communication, understanding, and discipline techniques, is crucial for promoting healthy emotional development and well-adjusted individuals.

Parents and caregivers should strive to model appropriate ways of managing frustration, stress, and anger, while also being attentive to their child’s emotional needs. If a parent finds themselves struggling with anger management, seeking professional help or parenting resources can be beneficial for both the parent and the child.

I have added a few resources to help with understanding:

Childhood (1) Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) – YouTube

How Childhood trauma follows you through life: (1) 7 Ways Childhood Trauma Follow You Into Adulthood – YouTube

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