Punitive parenting does not work, it makes angry men and anxious women

Dr. Shefali Tsabary is a clinical psychologist and author known for her revolutionary approach to parenting. Her philosophy, often referred to as “conscious parenting,” emphasises the importance of self-awareness and mindfulness in raising children. Some key takeaways from Dr. Shefali’s parenting theory include:

1.    Mindfulness and Consciousness: Dr. Shefali emphasises the importance of parents being mindful and conscious in their interactions with their children. This involves being fully present in the moment and aware of one’s own thoughts, emotions, and reactions.

2.    Connection over Control: Rather than trying to control their children’s behaviour, Dr. Shefali encourages parents to focus on building a strong emotional connection with them. This connection forms the basis for healthy communication and mutual understanding.

3.    Empowering Children: Dr. Shefali believes in empowering children to express themselves authentically and make their own choices whenever appropriate. This approach fosters independence, self-confidence, and a sense of responsibility in children.

4.    Understanding Emotions: Instead of dismissing or suppressing their children’s emotions, Dr. Shefali encourages parents to validate and understand them. By acknowledging and accepting their children’s feelings, parents can help them develop emotional intelligence and resilience.

5.    Parental Self-Reflection: Dr. Shefali emphasises the importance of parents engaging in self-reflection and personal growth. This involves examining one’s own upbringing, beliefs, and patterns of behaviour that may impact their parenting style.

6.    Letting Go of Expectations: Dr. Shefali encourages parents to let go of rigid expectations and ideals about parenting and instead embrace the uniqueness of their children. This allows for greater acceptance, flexibility, and adaptability in the parent-child relationship.

7.    Presence over Perfection: Dr. Shefali emphasises the importance of being a “present” parent rather than striving for perfection. This means accepting imperfections, learning from mistakes, and prioritising the quality of the parent-child bond over external measures of success.

Healing the Inner Child: Dr. Shefali emphasises the importance of addressing one’s own unresolved issues and traumas before becoming a parent, or as soon as possible afterward. She believes that by healing the inner child within ourselves, we can break the cycle of repeating past mistakes and patterns in our parenting. This process of self-healing enables parents to approach their role with greater empathy, understanding, and emotional maturity, leading to healthier relationships with their children. Punitive measures should never be a parenting style, as this demonstrates a lack of awareness of self and a need for healing the inner child of the parent.

Overall, Dr. Shefali’s parenting theory advocates for a mindful, compassionate, and empowering approach to raising children, with an emphasis on self-awareness, connection, and personal growth for both parents and children. Punitive measures should never be a parenting style, this demonstrates a lack of awareness of self and a need for healing the inner child of the parent.