Hard to love people and the importance of boundaries

Exploring the Impact of Narcissism on Relationships & Boundaries

NB: Many people are unaware they display narcissistic traits until their behaviors are explored in therapy. Many people who have come through adversity ACE’s as a child may develop narcissistic traits as a means of emotional and physical survival.

I like to come from a place of understanding a person’s story before we place a label on them.

Let’s be clear there is a difference between Clinical Narcissism and Narcistic traits.

DSM narcissism is a clinical disorder; narcissistic traits are personality features; difference lies in severity and impairment.


Understanding the effects of narcissism in relationships is crucial for fostering healthy connections and maintaining emotional well-being.

Being in a relationship who displays Narcissistic strait can be very testing and would send anyone into a fight or flight state.

The following is intended to help with understanding and to help you set boundaries

  1. Narcissism Defined: Unravelling the Traits Narcissism is characterised by an excessive sense of self-importance, a need for admiration, and a lack of empathy. Individuals with narcissistic traits often display a grandiose view of themselves, seek attention and validation, and can struggle with genuine emotional connection.
  2. The Narcissistic Spectrum: From Healthy to Unhealthy Narcissism exists on a spectrum, ranging from healthy self-esteem to pathological narcissism. While a certain level of self-confidence is essential, the more extreme end of the spectrum can lead to toxic dynamics in relationships.
  3. Impact on Relationships: Challenges and Struggles Relationships involving a narcissistic partner can be riddled with challenges. These challenges include manipulation, emotional manipulation, lack of empathy, and a constant need for validation. Narcissistic partners may struggle with compromise and have difficulty recognising their own faults.
  4. Communication Breakdown: Empathy Deficit Empathy is a cornerstone of healthy relationships. Narcissistic traits often come with an empathy deficit, making it challenging for individuals to truly understand and connect with their partners’ emotions. This breakdown in communication can lead to misunderstandings and emotional distance.
  5. Gas Lighting and Manipulation: Twisting Reality Gas lighting, a tactic used by some narcissists, involves manipulating others into doubting their perception of reality. Partners subjected to gas lighting may question their own sanity, leading to feelings of confusion, anxiety, and self-doubt.
  6. Impact on Mental Health: Emotional Toll Being in a relationship with a narcissistic individual can take a toll on one’s mental health. Partners may experience anxiety, depression, and feelings of inadequacy due to the constant need for validation and the manipulation involved.
  7. Self-Care and Boundaries: Protecting Yourself If you find yourself in a relationship with a narcissistic partner, it’s essential to prioritise self-care and set healthy boundaries. Seeking support from friends, family, or a counsellor can provide valuable guidance and emotional validation.
  8. Seeking Change: The Possibility of Growth While addressing narcissistic traits in a partner can be challenging, some individuals are open to change. Therapy, particularly cognitive-behavioural approaches, can help individuals with narcissistic traits develop healthier relationship patterns and enhance their emotional intelligence.
  9. Moving Forward: Healing and Transformation Recognising the impact of narcissism on a relationship is the first step toward healing and transformation. Whether it’s through couple’s therapy, individual counselling, or self-discovery, the journey toward healthier relationships begins with self-awareness.

In conclusion, understanding the effects of narcissism in relationships is vital for maintaining emotional well-being and fostering healthy connections. Recognising the signs, setting boundaries, and seeking support can empower individuals to navigate challenging dynamics and promote growth.

I am constantly being asked what are boundaries?

Examples of personal boundaries are

Personal boundaries are the limits and guidelines we set for ourselves in various aspects of our lives to ensure our well-being, protect our values, and establish healthy relationships. Here are some examples of personal boundaries in different areas:

  1. Physical Boundaries:
    • Not allowing anyone to touch you without your consent.
    • Choosing who you feel comfortable hugging or being physically close to.
    • Declining unwanted physical advances or gestures.
  2. Emotional Boundaries:
    • Sharing personal feelings and emotions with people you trust.
    • Refraining from discussing deeply personal issues with acquaintances or strangers.
    • Communicating when someone’s behaviour or comments have crossed an emotional boundary.
  3. Time Boundaries:
    • Allocating specific time for work, rest, and leisure activities.
    • Politely declining invitations or commitments when your schedule is already full.
    • Setting aside personal time for self-care and relaxation.
  4. Social Boundaries:
    • Choosing the types of social events you attend based on your comfort level.
    • Limiting interactions with individuals who consistently disrespect your values or boundaries.
    • Deciding who you share your personal information within social settings.
  5. Material Boundaries:
    • Lending personal belongings only to people you trust to return them in good condition.
    • Saying no to lending money when you are uncomfortable or unable to do so.
    • Setting limits on sharing resources with others to ensure your own needs are met.
  6. Digital Boundaries:
    • Choosing who you connect with on social media platforms.
    • Limiting the personal information, you share online to protect your privacy.
    • Unplugging from digital devices during specific times to focus on other activities.
  7. Work Boundaries:
    • Communicating your availability for work-related tasks outside of regular working hours.
    • Declining work assignments that exceed your capacity to maintain a healthy work-life balance.
    • Setting limits on communication with colleagues or clients during your personal time.
  8. Relationship Boundaries:
    • Expressing your needs and expectations in a romantic relationship.
    • Defining the level of emotional support, you can provide to friends without becoming overwhelmed.
    • Communicating deal-breakers and non-negotiables in any type of relationship.
  9. Communication Boundaries:
    • Communicating openly and honestly while respecting others’ feelings.
    • Refraining from using hurtful language or making disrespectful comments.
    • Setting limits on how much personal information you’re comfortable sharing in conversation.

Please remember that personal boundaries may vary based on individual preferences, cultural norms, and personal experiences. It’s important to communicate your boundaries clearly and assertively, and to respect the boundaries of others as well. Healthy boundaries contribute to positive relationships and overall well-being.