Love is not just a feeling. It is an activity that involves skill-building. You can work at cultivating your love for another. You can get better (or worse) at loving someone – this is a choice. It is also possible to measure how well you are doing at loving someone by taking an “Acts of Love” inventory that will help you to determine just how you are doing and focus on improving your personal best weekly.
Conflict in intimate relationships is not only normal, but inevitable and even valuable at times.
Tip: set boundaries for communication when talking about an uncomfortable subject matter
While conflict might make you uneasy, it can also invite you to reflect on your situation from a new perspective. You have a choice. You can act in ways that keep the conflict going. Or, you can turn the conflict into creative tension, which gives birth to new insights and talents. In fact, conflict is growth trying to happen.
If you find yourself working up into anger or crying at the start and end of every sentence, ask yourself, “Where does this emotion come from?” Seek to find reason for your reaction.
8 out of 10 couples tell me communication is their biggest issue, yet they very rarely ask “How can I learn to communicate better?” We are all individuals; we will all communicate differently and words hold different meanings for each of us. Get real! By getting grounded, receptive, and non-judgmental, we enhance our ability to see through our partners lens and experience their’ “emotional life” and perhaps see their world as they do.
We spend about 85 percent of each day communicating, so it’s in our best interests to be good at it. “Do unto others as they would like to be done unto” reframes communication.
So what are the five rules?
- Reframe (optional)
- Accept responsibility, never blame the recipient
Determine how best your partner will understand the communication: ask how your partner likes to receive information, observe, and/or try different methods and modes. Check-in for understanding.
Tip: Flex your style to meet the needs of the one your love
Communication 101: If you can’t get them on the merry-go-round, get them on the swings!
If you need to talk about your relationship and gain positive relationship strategies, please have no hesitation to book an appointment with DIPAC and Associates.