Do you feel like you are going mad in your relationship?

“Navigating Narcissistic Relationships: 12 Red Flags You Should Know”

Introduction: When it comes to relationships, recognising narcissism is essential. Partners with narcissistic traits can introduce a host of challenges, often leading to emotional strain and exhaustion. These relationships tend to follow predictable patterns and behaviours, which can hinder personal growth and leave you feeling as though you are going mad, confused and isolated. Whether you are currently involved with a narcissistic partner or have experienced this in the past, understanding these 12 tell-tale signs can help you navigate the complexities of such relationships.

1.     The Alluring Facade: Narcissists often begin relationships with an enchanting charm. They appear sociable, kind, generous, and deeply affectionate, employing a tactic commonly referred to as “love bombing.” This magnetic persona continues until trust is established, after which they transition into devaluation, setting the stage for a cycle of narcissistic abuse aimed at maintaining control.

2.     Conversations That Revolve around Them: In a relationship with a narcissist, every conversation seems to orbit around their life and experiences. If your viewpoint differs from theirs, they may dismiss your opinions, correct you, or simply disregard what you have to say.

3.     Entitlement to Special Treatment: Narcissists possess an unwavering sense of entitlement, often demanding preferential treatment. This can manifest as expecting immediate seating at a restaurant, even when others are waiting. When denied such privileges, they may respond with anger, criticism, or withdrawal.

4.     The Belief in Self-Superiority: Narcissistic partners frequently boast about their own accomplishments and skills while neglecting to acknowledge the talents or achievements of others. This behaviour is a hallmark of grandiose narcissism.

5.     Insatiable Need for Compliments: While everyone appreciates compliments, narcissists rely on external validation to bolster their already inflated sense of self-worth. Their constant quest for praise, especially in public, reveals their insatiable need for “narcissistic supply.”

6.     Apathy toward Your Feelings: Narcissists tend to be self-absorbed, often appearing emotionally distant when you require support. Offering a sincere apology or taking responsibility for any harm they cause becomes a formidable challenge for them, leaving you feeling isolated and unfulfilled. In some case the partner of a person demonstrating narcissistic traits is left to feel like they are going mad. I often hear statements like “Darleen is it me? I could be the narcissist and don’t know it” a common statement due to the constant mind games the narcissist plays.

7.     Fixation on Superficial Aspects: Narcissists prioritise their own appearance, beauty, and social status. They scrutinise perceived flaws in others, including you, and may expect you to conform to their standards of perfection, seeing you as an extension of themselves. Criticism of this nature should never be tolerated in a healthy relationship.

8.     Limited Social Circle: Maintaining friendships can be a struggle for narcissists due to the one-sided nature of their interactions. If they do have long-term friends, it’s often because those friends are empaths, highly agreeable or people-pleasers. However, remember that not all friendships involving narcissistic traits are necessarily negative; healthy friendships require mutual effort.

9.     Conditional Charm: Narcissistic partners can exude superficial charm and unwavering confidence. However, this facade can rapidly crumble when they perceive a slight or dismissal by others. Note: If the narcissist comes from an abusive childhood the traits they demonstrate may have been an “adaptation” to keep them safe as a child. Take a moment to understand children who live in an environment where there is emotional or physical abuse will adapt very quickly to their environment “fear” is a common state where a child will start to adapt to keep themselves safe. They may start to lie, manipulate, and bully others as a way to keep safe emotionally and physically. As an adult they may strive to be a cut above the rest and demonstrate grandiosity or superiority, again to keep themselves safe. Humans are adaptive creatures.

10.  Hypersensitivity to Criticism: Constructive criticism tends to trigger intense reactions or detachment in narcissists. They may resort to judgment, criticism, or gas lighting, deflecting blame for any issues they face.

11.  Manipulative Tactics: Narcissists frequently manipulate others to serve their own needs or fulfil their dreams. They may cast themselves as victims of unfair circumstances to manipulate or guilt-trip you into actions that primarily benefit them.

12.  The person with Narcissistic traits: may have been a product of a Narcissistic environment as a child and be highly unaware that their behaviours are destructive, they may see you and everyone else as the problem. If left untreated the cycle may continue over the next generation and beyond

Whether you are dating, married to someone displaying narcissistic traits or grew up in an environment marked by such behaviour, recognising these patterns is crucial. Unconsciously attracting familiar traits in a partner can often stem from what you have perceived as “normal” due to past experiences or upbringing. By being aware of these 12 red flags, you can navigate narcissistic relationships with greater insight and self-preservation.

There are Narcissistic “traits” that people can display inconsistently and there is a DSM 5 Diagnostic Mental Health condition called “Narcissistic Personality Disorder”

What Are the Symptoms of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)?

To remember the nine signs of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), you can use the acronym “SPECIAL ME.”

S – Sense of self-importance P – Preoccupation with power, beauty, or success E – Entitled C – Can only be around people who are important or special I – Interpersonally exploitative for their own gain A – Arrogant L – Lack empathy M – Must be admired E – Envious of others or believe that others are envious of them

How Is NPD Diagnosed?

Trained mental health professionals conduct a structured interview to gain insight into an individual’s typical behaviour patterns. To meet the diagnostic criteria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder, someone must consistently exhibit at least five of the SPECIAL ME traits.

Is NPD Genetic?

No, there is no genetic predisposition to NPD, and individuals are not born with it. Environmental factors play a significant role in the development of NPD. Children who are encouraged to believe they are extraordinary and always deserving of the best, sometimes at the expense of others, may be at risk of developing NPD. In such cases, behaviours like confidence are rewarded while qualities like empathy may be discouraged.

Are Narcissists Bad People?

Narcissists themselves are not inherently bad people; it is their behaviour that can be problematic. They have often been conditioned to believe they are special and entitled to preferential treatment, which shapes their interactions with the world.

Can I Have a Relationship with Someone with NPD?

The possibility of having a relationship with someone diagnosed with NPD depends on various factors. If your romantic partner, family member, or boss has NPD, they may present challenges in your life. Their self-centeredness may make you feel belittled, and your mental health could suffer as a result. Coping strategies may include setting personal boundaries and, if those boundaries are crossed, considering whether it’s best to distance yourself. However, making such decisions can be difficult. Labelling your partner as a narcissist may not be productive; instead, focus on your well-being and determine what you are willing to tolerate.

Can People Recover from NPD?

Yes, recovery from Narcissistic Personality Disorder is possible, but it is a process that requires time and effort. Individuals with NPD often do not seek help on their own, and when they do, it is frequently due to co-existing issues like anxiety. Since there is no established medication or therapy specifically for NPD, treatment takes an individualised approach. Building a trusting relationship between the patient and therapist is a crucial element of the recovery journey. If a person is willing to change and their therapist can help bridge the gap between their current and desired behaviours, there is hope for recovery.

I like to use CBT “Cognitive Behavioural Therapy”, this form of therapy has been proven over the years to be effective and has shown promising results for the patient, their partners and family.

Warning: Ultimately, the decision to leave a relationship with a narcissist is a significant one that should be made with careful consideration and, ideally, with the guidance of a Relationship Counselling Practitioner or Legal professional. If you are in immediate danger or experiencing abuse, prioritise your safety and seek help from local resources or authorities. If you are in Immediate Danger call 000 or the emergency number in your country. Remember that you deserve to be in a healthy, respectful, and supportive relationship.