Just a quick reminder we will be closing for the Christmas break Dec 18th 2023 to January 18th 2024
Those couples who are going through the 30 days to a deeper connection program, you may need to plan your sessions in advance to make sure your dates are locked in within the next fortnight.
The 5th step on the program is the most important step please try to not miss this step before Christmas.
Brochure and Testimonials –
Walk and Talk: now the weather is a little better for getting outdoors, we can resume Walk and Talk.
The majority of us spend our workdays indoors, often with limited opportunities to enjoy the outdoors. Engaging in a leisurely walk while conversing provides an excellent way to unwind and express your thoughts. The sessions are flexible, with the option to divide your time between a 30-minute walking and talking session and a 30-minute session at the DIPAC office.
This experience isn’t intended to be a strenuous activity; rather, it involves a gentle stroll around the Barton suburb suitable for individuals of all fitness levels. Research indicates that spending time outdoors naturally boosts energy and fosters a more positive outlook.
Let’s have a conversation in the open air.
You might be eligible for private health rebates. NDIS participants are also welcome.
Walk & Talk: Walk and talk therapy, often referred to as outdoor therapy or ecotherapy, integrates traditional talk therapy with outdoor physical activity, primarily walking. Rather than being confined to a conventional therapy room, the therapist and client hold sessions while walking in a natural setting, such as the scenic Barton suburb.
The advantages of walk and talk therapy encompass:
Physical well-being: Combining physical activity with therapy yields positive effects on physical health, including improved cardiovascular fitness, heightened energy levels, and decreased stress.
Mental and emotional well-being: Being amidst nature and engaging in physical movement can have a constructive impact on mental and emotional health. It aids in diminishing anxiety, depression, and stress, while fostering relaxation, an improved mood, and mental clarity.
Enhanced self-reflection: Walking in a natural environment sets a tranquil and contemplative ambiance, facilitating introspection about one’s thoughts and feelings. This contributes to greater self-awareness and personal development.
Heightened creativity: Exposure to natural elements outdoors can stimulate creativity and problem-solving skills. The change in surroundings and sensory input can trigger novel perspectives and fresh insights.
Therapeutic alliance: The casual and comfortable environment of walk and talk therapy fosters collaboration and equality between the therapist and client. Walking side by side, as opposed to facing each other in a conventional office, creates an informal and relaxing atmosphere that enhances the therapeutic alliance.
Connection with nature: Spending time outdoors has proven mental health benefits, including stress reduction, mood improvement, and increased feelings of connectedness and well-being. Walk and talk therapy enables individuals to directly experience these advantages, establishing a deeper connection with the natural world.
It’s important to acknowledge that walk and talk therapy might not suit everyone or all therapeutic needs. Physical limitations might prevent certain individuals from participating, while others may prefer the privacy and structure of a conventional therapy setting.
Counseling Therapy sessions last 60 minutes, while Walk and Talk Therapy offers flexibility. You can opt for a full 60-minute walk or split the session into a 30-minute therapy office session and a 30-minute outdoor segment.
Our walk can be a leisurely stroll or a brisker pace, depending on your preference.
Please note: Weather conditions permitting.
Fetal Alcohol Syndrome is a life long mental and physical diagnoses, it is on the rise and it is TOTALLY preventable by mums abstaining from drinking alcohol whilst pregnant. If you are planning to become pregnant abstain from drinking alcohol whilst trying to become pregnant.
What are the problems of a baby born with FAS? https://www.youtube.com/watch?
https://www.fasdhub.org.au/
Physical defects may include: Distinctive facial features, including small eyes, an exceptionally thin upper lip, a short, upturned nose, and a smooth skin surface between the nose and upper lip. Deformities of joints, limbs and fingers. Slow physical growth before and after birth NB: not all FAS babies show distinctive facial features.
What is a safe amount of Alcohol to drink while pregnant? Answer: NIL- ZERO
Depending on early diagnosis and support, life expectancies can increase; however, on average, people with FAS are estimated to live 34 years (95% CI: 31–37 years), which is around 42% of the life expectancies of their general population peers 11 Nov 2020
Many people, Adults and Children are being treated for ADHD who have been misdiagnosed, who actually have FASD.
FASDs last a lifetime. There is no cure for FASDs, but treatments can help. These include medicines to help with some symptoms, medical care for health problems, behavior and education therapy, and parent training. A good treatment plan is specific to the child’s problems.
There is no known safe level of alcohol exposure during pregnancy.
There is no safe time, no safe amount, and no safe type of alcohol. Alcohol can harm a developing fetus at any point during a pregnancy, even before the pregnancy is confirmed. As 50% of Australian women experience an unplanned pregnancy, many are prenatally exposed to alcohol before the family becomes aware of the pregnancy. If you could be pregnant, or are planning a pregnancy, health professionals advise that abstinence from alcohol is safest. If you choose to drink alcohol, effective contraception is important to prevent unintentional prenatal alcohol exposure. Alcohol use during pregnancy can increase the risk of miscarriage, stillbirth, preterm (early) birth, and SIDS, and can also result in FASD, which is a lifelong disability. The National Health and Medical Research Council (NHMRC) advises that “maternal alcohol consumption can harm the developing fetus or breastfeeding baby”. NHMRC Guidelines recommend: A. To prevent harm from alcohol to their unborn child, women who are pregnant or planning a pregnancy should not drink alcohol. For women who are breastfeeding, not drinking alcohol is safest for their baby. Healthy pregnancies are not the sole responsibility of women. A fathers’ alcohol consumption impacts the health of his developing baby and partners play a strong role in supporting alcohol-free pregnancy. Ceasing alcohol use together has been proven to be the most effective way to ensure a healthy pregnancy. Read more about what men can do to support healthy pregnancy or read about this couple’s plan for an alcohol-free pregnancy. Follow this link to download The Australian Guidelines to Reduce Health Risks from Drinking Alcohol.
Useful apps: The Daybreak app by Hello Sunday Morning helps people change their relationship with alcohol.
Chat with health coaches and access a supportive community with their free app. Mind the Bump is a free Mindfulness Meditation App to help individuals and couples support their mental and emotional wellbeing in preparation for having a baby.
Where alcohol exposure has occurred, lowering stress levels reduces the likelihood of negative outcomes for the baby. The Swipe app is a personalised brain-training app that aims to reduce alcohol consumption and cravings. The results of the study have now been published (showing significant reductions in drinking days, standard drinks, alcohol craving and dependence after 4 weeks of using swipe) To review the results please click here For more information regarding the SWiPE app for download go to www.swipebraintraining.com.au
Useful links: The latest research-backed information on the healthiest options for you, your partner, and your baby– from Telethon Kids Institute Questions & Answers about Alcohol Use & PregnancyTrue and False FASD Fast FactsIt’s not just Mums who need to avoid alcohol when trying for a babyWhat men can do – alcohol, pregnancy and prevention of FASD Alcohol & Breastfeeding from the Australian Breastfeeding Association Busting the myths on alcohol and breastfeedingFeed Safe – alcohol & breastfeeding app free download Hello Sunday Morning – helpful resources for changing your drinking behaviour
The disabilities associated with FASDs are said to be lifelong, but we know relatively little regarding outcomes beyond childhood and adolescence. Many of physical, brain, and neurobehavioral features that are present in children with FASDs will endure to adulthood.
The life expectancy of people with FAS is considerably lower than that of the general population. As the cause of FAS is known and preventable, more attention devoted to the prevention of FAS is urgently needed.
Many people see working on their body at the gym with a trainer acceptable but working on their mind with a Therapist as unacceptable.
What is Cognitive Dissonance?
example: Cognitive dissonance can arise when a person perceives working on their physical fitness at the gym as positive or valuable, while considering working on their mental well-being or personal development as less important or even negative. This creates a conflict between the values placed on physical improvement versus mental or emotional growth. Yet the mind drives the body, makes no sense really when you reframe the original thought and belief…There are compelling studies in favour of working on the mind to improve physical & mental health. High performing athletes understand the importance of challenging limiting thoughts, beliefs and behaviours. You may even find some of your limiting, thoughts beliefs and behaviours stem from way back in your childhood.
Note: Therapy is like going to a mind gym, you have to do the work to achieve what you want
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) is a psychotherapeutic approach utilised mostly by Counselling therapists and Psychologists that focuses on the connection between thoughts, feelings, and behaviours. It is a widely used and evidence-based therapy for treating various mental health conditions, including anxiety disorders, depression, phobias, eating disorders, and substance abuse. I found after Covid many people developed health anxiety and CBT has been very helpful for those people.
CBT is based on the idea that our thoughts (cognitions) significantly influence our emotions and behaviours. It suggests that distorted or negative thinking patterns can contribute to emotional distress and problematic behaviours. By identifying and challenging these unhelpful thoughts, individuals can develop healthier thinking patterns and subsequently experience improvements in their emotional well-being and behaviour.
During CBT sessions, a therapist works collaboratively with the client to identify negative or maladaptive thoughts and beliefs. The therapist helps the client examine the evidence supporting or refuting these thoughts and encourages them to develop more balanced and realistic perspectives. This process involves learning various cognitive restructuring techniques, such as cognitive reframing, where individuals reframe negative thoughts into more positive or neutral ones.
Additionally, CBT emphasises behavioural interventions to promote positive change. Clients are encouraged to engage in behavioural experiments, exposure exercises, and skill-building activities to confront fears, develop healthier coping mechanisms, and improve problem-solving skills.
CBT is typically structured, goal-oriented, and time-limited. It often involves homework assignments to practice and apply new skills outside of therapy sessions. The ultimate aim of CBT is to empower individuals to become their own therapists, equipped with the tools to manage their thoughts, emotions, and behaviours effectively.
It’s important to note that while CBT has been extensively researched and found to be effective, it may not be suitable for everyone or every condition. It’s always recommended to consult with a qualified mental health professional to determine the most appropriate treatment approach for individual needs.
Anxiety disorders: This includes generalised anxiety disorder, panic disorder, social anxiety disorder, specific phobias, and obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD).
Depression: CBT can be effective in treating mild to moderate depression. It focuses on addressing negative thought patterns, improving mood, and enhancing coping strategies.
Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD): CBT, particularly trauma-focused CBT, is often used to help individual’s process traumatic experiences and manage symptoms associated with PTSD.
Eating disorders: CBT has shown effectiveness in treating conditions like bulimia nervosa, binge eating disorder, and some cases of anorexia nervosa. It targets distorted body image, unhealthy thoughts about food, and maladaptive eating behaviours.
Substance abuse and addiction: CBT can be utilised to address the underlying thoughts, beliefs, and behaviours related to substance abuse and addiction. It helps individuals develop healthier coping mechanisms and prevent relapse.
Sleep disorders: CBT for insomnia (CBT-I) is a specialized form of CBT that focuses on improving sleep patterns, addressing sleep-related anxieties, and promoting healthy sleep hygiene.
Chronic pain: CBT can be beneficial for individuals experiencing chronic pain by addressing the psychological aspects of pain perception, improving coping strategies, and enhancing quality of life.
While CBT is suitable for many individuals, it may not be appropriate for everyone or every condition. It’s important to consult with a qualified mental health professional who can assess your specific needs and determine the most suitable treatment approach for you. They will consider factors such as your individual circumstances, preferences, and the nature of your condition to guide treatment decisions.
Let’s break it down a little more…
The term “maladaptive” refers to thoughts, behaviours, or patterns of functioning that are not helpful or adaptive in meeting one’s needs or achieving positive outcomes. In the context of mental health, maladaptive thoughts and behaviours can contribute to distress, interfere with daily functioning, and negatively impact one’s well-being and relationships.
Note: Many marriages fall apart when one or both partners do not taking responsibility for their own maladaptive behaviours by reaching out and seeking help.
For example, maladaptive thoughts might involve distorted thinking patterns such as catastrophising (exaggerating the negative consequences of a situation), overgeneralising (drawing broad negative conclusions from isolated incidents), or personalising (attributing excessive blame to oneself for negative events). These types of thinking can perpetuate anxiety, depression, and other mental health conditions.
Maladaptive behaviours can manifest as avoidance of challenging situations or responsibilities, excessive substance use, self-harm, or social withdrawal. These behaviours may temporarily alleviate distress but can have negative long-term consequences and hinder personal growth and well-being.
Your quality of life QOL and the quality of life of your family and friend is important. Many time people are suffering when their internal wars could be treated.
In the context of therapy, identifying and addressing maladaptive thoughts and behaviours is an essential aspect of treatment. Through techniques like cognitive restructuring, individuals can challenge and replace maladaptive thoughts with more accurate and helpful ones. Similarly, behavioural interventions aim to replace maladaptive behaviours with healthier alternatives that promote adaptive functioning and well-being.
It’s important to note that the term “maladaptive” is used to describe patterns that are not beneficial or adaptive in a given context. What is considered maladaptive can vary depending on the individual, cultural norms, and specific circumstances.CBT therapy is considered suitable for a wide range of individuals experiencing various mental health conditions. It has been extensively researched and found to be effective in treating numerous disorders. Some of the common conditions for which CBT is recommended include:
Shame can often play a significant role in why some individuals may be hesitant or resistant to seeking therapy or mental health support. Shame is a powerful and deeply rooted emotion that involves feelings of embarrassment, unworthiness, or self-disapproval. It can stem from various sources, such as societal stigma around mental health, cultural beliefs, personal experiences, or internalised negative beliefs about seeking help. Cognitive Dissonance maybe?
Here are a few reasons why shame may prevent individuals from seeking therapy:
Stigma: Mental health stigma still exists in many societies, and individuals may fear being judged, labelled, or treated differently if they admit to having emotional or psychological struggles. This fear of being stigmatized can generate shame and prevent them from seeking therapy.
Perceived weakness: Some individuals may associate seeking therapy with being weak or incapable of handling their own problems. They might feel shame in admitting they need help and perceive it as a personal failure or inadequacy.
Self-judgment: Shame can also arise from self-judgment and self-criticism. People may feel ashamed for experiencing certain thoughts, emotions, or behaviours, believing they should be able to overcome their difficulties on their own.
Vulnerability and fear of judgment: Therapy often involves sharing personal and vulnerable aspects of oneself. The fear of being judged or misunderstood by a therapist or being seen as “broken” can trigger shame and hinder the willingness to engage in therapy.
It’s important to address and overcome shame-related barriers to seeking therapy. Here are some strategies that can help:
Education and awareness: Learning about mental health, therapy, and the common experiences of seeking help can help challenge misconceptions and reduce shame.
Normalising seeking help: Promoting conversations around mental health, openly discussing therapy, and sharing personal experiences can help reduce stigma and normalise the act of seeking therapy.
Self-compassion: Cultivating self-compassion involves treating oneself with kindness and understanding, recognising that everyone has struggles and seeking help is a sign of strength rather than weakness.
Supportive environments: Creating supportive and non-judgmental spaces where individuals feel safe to express their emotions and seek help can contribute to reducing shame and encouraging help-seeking behaviours.
It’s crucial to remember that seeking therapy is a courageous and proactive step towards personal growth, healing, and well-being. If shame or other barriers are preventing someone from seeking therapy, reaching out to supportive individuals or professionals who can provide guidance and reassurance can be a valuable starting point.
I hope this helps someone somewhere 🙂
New: Walk and talk: For those who are couped up in offices and need to get their exercise or for those who are uncomfortable with sitting in a Therapy office for 60mins. Whatever the reason getting outside can be beneficial in so many ways.
Back: Men’s and Women’s Groups- These groups were popular before Covid like most things during that time we had to end them.
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Bookings can also be made via Psychology today & HotDoc
Employee Assistance Programs are: Converge, Clear Head, Prima Career
Every now and then I am surprised and delighted. When I write these newsletters, because I do not have a professional editor, I ask my husband to read them and to help me spot the spelling and grammatical errors. Two heads are better than one hopefully, whilst he picked up a couple of errors he did say ” Oh my goodness Darleen, I hope this is going out to men, a lot of men would have no idea about these things.” I love him so much!
When we were younger and in the busy lane, we did not get into too much of the detail either and we had few people to ask really due to feeling extremely judged, it was the 80’s 90’s don’t put your hand up someone will cut it off !
Although I am one, I thank God for the middle person today, the counselling professionals, who can help close the gaps for us in our learnings about self.
Dr Edward de Bono said “Start at the beginning with the end in mind” With this being said, this newsletter is to help mums and dads, husbands and wives understand the landscape of a female as she experiences changes over her life. #Empathy is a great word
Women are wonderfully made; they give life, preserve life, nurture… yet most of us have not stopped to think about what a woman’s body goes through over her life. Who is she? She is much more than a sexual being, she is a living miracle, who deserves to be respected and understood.
One of the challenges we have today is the amount of information and misinformation we have out there, it is difficult to know what is true.
The internet is a money-making machine, selling products, ideas the root being advertising…
Do you know young girls going through puberty and women going through menopause are prescribed anti-depressants after a 15-minute Gp appointment. They are not referred on to a counsellor, gynecologist an endocrinologist or any other investigative practitioner to help find the root?
Back in the day, seems like BC now, I was an educator on medications in “Big Pharma” and one of the things I learned was, Doctors would not entertain reading a medical case study, if it did not reach an end point. That means the medical trial detailed in the case study needs to meet all the requirements and has reached an end point. The outcome needed to be believable from a medical standpoint and there was a clear path forward for treatment of a patient with that particular medication “Efficacy.”
With this being said the internet sells many trial studies that do NOT reach the ethical standards required, but they sell a good story. Resulting in many people wondering around lost in the abyss and quagmire of the internet.
My view is sometimes we need to get back to basics and that is understanding the root of a patient’s presentation through “enquiry.”
Working from the Counselling Therapy seat my job is to help, understand, educate, support, then point patients in the right direction and refer on when needed.
Where there are benefits and happiness on the internet, there is also so much pain and sadness as people search endlessly, particularly in the mental health and well-being space.
My challenge with term of “Mental Health” is most people align it with Anxiety & Depression “diagnoses done”… I prefer to use the words “Mental Wellness” and looking for ways we can improve our mental wellness by looking deeper into the root of the surfacing presentation. Understanding the root is key to understanding the presenting problem as a whole and in part.
Good quality question asking is a skill and time is also needed in this space. A lot of GPs just do not have the time to do the enquiry needed to uncover what the root of the problem is.
Then of course many people are lining up for months to see a phycologist on “Mental Health Plans.”
Okay, let’s start to understand the journey of a women from puberty to menopause.
Early menopause, also known as premature menopause or premature ovarian insufficiency, refers to the cessation of menstrual periods and the decline in ovarian function before the age of 40. While the exact causes of early menopause are not always clear, here are ten potential reasons for its occurrence in women:
Genetic factors: Certain genetic abnormalities can contribute to early menopause. For example, conditions such as Turner syndrome (also called Gonadal dysgenesis) and Fragile X syndrome (also call Martin Bell syndrome) are associated with an increased risk of premature ovarian insufficiency.
Autoimmune disorders: Autoimmune diseases like rheumatoid arthritis, lupus, and thyroiditis can affect ovarian function and lead to early menopause.
Chromosomal abnormalities: Structural or numerical abnormalities in the chromosomes can cause early menopause. For instance, women with a chromosomal defect called X chromosome abnormalities are more prone to premature ovarian insufficiency.
Family history: Women with a family history of early menopause are more likely to experience it themselves, indicating a potential genetic predisposition.
Cancer treatments: Chemotherapy and radiation therapy used to treat cancer can damage the ovaries, leading to early menopause. The risk depends on the type and dosage of treatment.
Surgical removal of the ovaries: Surgical removal of both ovaries (bilateral oophorectomy) for medical reasons, such as to treat ovarian cancer or reduce the risk of certain diseases, will induce menopause.
Pelvic radiation therapy: Radiation therapy directed at the pelvic area, often used to treat cancers like cervical or colorectal cancer, can cause ovarian damage and early menopause.
Chronic medical conditions: Certain chronic conditions, such as diabetes, epilepsy, and hypothyroidism, have been linked to an increased risk of early menopause.
Smoking: Smoking has been associated with an increased likelihood of early menopause. It can accelerate the decline in ovarian function and deplete the ovarian reserve.
Environmental factors: Exposure to certain environmental toxins and chemicals, such as certain pesticides, may contribute to early menopause. However, further research is needed to establish definitive links.
It’s important to note that each woman’s situation is unique, and in many cases, the cause of early menopause remains unknown. If you have concerns about early menopause or irregular menstrual patterns, it’s advisable to consult a healthcare professional for a proper evaluation guidance and treatment.
I am very much a cheer leader of “Functional Medicine” this is a biological approach that focuses on identifying and addressing the root cause.
“Where you have agency, you have responsibility.”
What happens to a girl’s body as she goes through puberty?
During puberty, a girl’s body undergoes numerous physical and hormonal changes as she transitions from childhood to adolescence and eventually reaches sexual maturity. Here are some key changes that occur in a girl’s body during puberty:
Breast development: One of the early signs of puberty is the development of breast tissue. The breasts grow in size and shape as the mammary glands and fatty tissue increase.
Growth spurt: Girls experience a rapid growth spurt during puberty, typically between ages 9 and 14. They grow taller, and their limbs and torso lengthen.
Body hair growth: Pubic hair starts to appear in the genital area and then spreads to the underarms. Additionally, fine vellus hair might become coarser and darker in various areas of the body, including the legs and arms.
Menstruation: The onset of menstruation, or the first menstrual period (menarche), marks a significant milestone in puberty. It usually occurs between the ages of 9 and 16 and signifies the beginning of a girl’s reproductive years.
Development of reproductive organs: The uterus, fallopian tubes, and vagina undergo growth and maturation during puberty in preparation for potential pregnancy.
Skin changes: Increased hormone production during puberty can affect the skin. Some girls may experience oilier skin, acne breakouts, and the development of sweat glands.
Body shape changes: Girls typically develop wider hips and a more defined waist as fat redistributes in the body. This contributes to a more curvy body shape.
Maturation of the reproductive system: The ovaries start releasing eggs in a monthly cycle (ovulation), and hormonal changes trigger the development of secondary sexual characteristics.
Voice changes: The vocal cords thicken, causing the voice to become deeper. However, this change is not as prominent as in boys going through puberty.
Emotional and psychological changes: Hormonal fluctuations can lead to mood swings, increased emotional sensitivity, and changes in behaviour during puberty. Girls may also experience heightened self-awareness and self-consciousness.
It’s important to remember that the onset and pace of puberty can vary among individuals. Puberty is a natural and gradual process that can last several years, and each person’s experience will be unique. At this time in a girl’s life, when her body takes on internal challenges, mental wars and physical changes, she will need support, she will need to learn about the importance of self–care and personal self-management. These messages will need to be delivered with great care, time and compassion because we are all different.
Tip: Your environment can play a big part in how you are feeling!
Do females inherit genes and other physical/mental characteristics from parents and grandparents?
A granddaughter carries her grandmother’s genes through a process called genetic inheritance. When a person is conceived, they receive genetic material from both their biological mother and father. Each parent contributes half of their genetic material to their child.
In the case of a granddaughter, she inherits half of her genetic material from her mother and half from her father. Her mother, in turn, inherited half of her genetic material from her own mother (the grandmother in question). Therefore, some of the genetic traits and characteristics present in the grandmother can be passed down to her granddaughter.
The inheritance of genetic traits occurs through genes, which are segments of DNA located on chromosomes. Genes are responsible for determining various physical and biological features, such as eye colour, hair texture, and height. They can also influence the risk of certain diseases or predispositions.
During the process of sexual reproduction, genetic information from the mother’s egg and the father’s sperm combines, resulting in a unique combination of genes in the offspring. This combination includes genes inherited from both maternal and paternal grandparents.
It’s important to note that the genetic inheritance is not limited to just the grandmother’s genes. The granddaughter also inherits genetic material from her other biological grandparents, both maternal and paternal. As a result, her genetic makeup is a combination of genetic contributions from multiple generations, including her grandmothers, grandfathers, and ancestors further back in her family tree.
Note: Genes do not only impact your characteristics & personality, but we also inherit what we Counselling Therapists and Phycologists call “Generational Trauma”
Hence, it is very important to know as much history about your family’s genetic makeup as possible, if possible. You do have agency over your body, therefore you have responsibility. I am very much all about helping you achieving a Quality of life QOL for YOU because we are all different.
Patience, compassion and understanding is so important: As young girls go through puberty, they may encounter various physical and mental challenges. Breast soreness: Breast development can be accompanied by tenderness or discomfort.
Note to dads: This may be a time when the rough tackling and general dad child play may need to become gentler with your approach.
Menstrual cramps: The onset of menstruation can bring about abdominal pain and cramping.
Acne: Hormonal changes may contribute to the development of acne or skin blemishes.
Body odour: Increased sweat production can lead to changes in body odour. This can be embarrassing please be mindful teasing is going to hurt and can cause ongoing negative systemic thought cycles. Tip: mums and dads educate brothers
Growth spurts: Rapid growth can cause temporary muscle and joint discomfort.
Weight gain: Hormonal fluctuations and changes in body composition can lead to weight gain.
Body image concerns: Girls may experience body image issues or dissatisfaction with their changing appearance. This is a very difficult conversation to have, the internet and bullying are two of a young girls most debilitating challenges to navigate in the 21st century.
Development of body hair: The growth of pubic hair and hair in other areas of the body can be distressing for some girls.
Development of curves: The development of wider hips and breasts can influence body proportions and impact self-perception. (The internet is not promoting curves as healthy)
Tip: Men & Dads you can play a big part here by showing acceptance by encouraging the women in your life to stay healthy. (Skinny and sexy should not be promoted as wonderfully normal) Young women are being targeted through the porn industry by young males, the average age of a child being introduced to porn is 11yrs of age. I have noticed more young women are asking me “What is normal? What is a healthy sexual relationship?
NOTE: Mums and dads please be aware your young women are facing some pretty illicit behaviours out there in the big world. Help them to know what is right from wrong, teach them to self- correction, self –management and most importantly help them to understand personal agency, personal responsibility, boundaries and that NO means NO.
Skin changes: Skin may become oilier or experience changes in texture and complexion.
Girls will Experience Mental and Emotional Challenges: As a parent there will be moments which require you to be there for them. The 3 “T’s” Time Tenderness and providing a shoulder for Tears.
Young girls are becoming young women during this time and they may not come to you. Therefore your awareness of what could be going on for them will be important. If you notice some of these changes in your daughter, you can then change the way you interact with her by showing patience, kindness and compassion.
Mood swings: Hormonal fluctuations can cause mood swings and emotional instability.
Self-consciousness: Girls may become more self-aware and concerned about how they are perceived by others.
Peer pressure: Social pressures and the desire to fit in may increase during puberty.
Increased self-awareness: Girls may start to question their identity and place in the world.
Body image issues: Puberty can trigger body image concerns and comparison with peers.
Anxiety: Some girls may experience heightened anxiety or worry about various aspects of their lives.
Self-esteem issues: Changing bodies and societal expectations can impact self-esteem levels.
Emotional sensitivity: Girls may feel more emotionally sensitive or prone to experiencing intense emotions.
Dealing with stereotypes: Girls may face gender stereotypes or societal expectations that can affect their self-perception.
Cognitive changes: Puberty coincides with changes in cognitive abilities, including increased abstract thinking and self-reflection.
It’s important to note that not all girls will experience every challenge mentioned, and the intensity of these challenges can vary from person to person. Additionally, supportive environments, open communication, and access to appropriate healthcare can play a vital role in helping girls navigate through these challenges and promote their well-being.
What part does our brain and mind control during puberty and menopause?
During puberty and menopause, the brain plays a significant role in regulating and controlling various changes that occur in the body. Here’s an overview of how the brain influences the body during these two stages:
Puberty:
Hypothalamus: The hypothalamus, a region in the brain, releases hormones called gonadotropin-releasing hormones. The pituitary gland releases follicle-stimulating hormone (FSH) and luteinising hormone (LH).
Pituitary gland: The pituitary gland stimulate the ovaries in girls. FSH helps with the development of eggs, while LH triggers the production of estrogen.
NOTE: Pituitary disorders can cause a range of symptoms. They can also be challenging to diagnose. They share these traits:
Common signs of something maybe off:
Common symptoms include:
Ovaries: Estrogen is produced by the ovaries in response to stimulation. Estrogen plays a crucial role in breast development, the growth of pubic hair, and the development of the reproductive system.
Feedback loop: The hypothalamus, pituitary gland, and ovaries communicate through a feedback loop. As estrogen levels rise, they provide feedback to the hypothalamus and pituitary gland, influencing the release of GnRH, FSH, and LH.
Life happens between Puberty and Menopause: The wonderful women in our communities today are going through so much. Some are mentors and supporters for the women who are giving life and raising families. Some women are putting their bodies on the line in War and on the line when they go through IVF to give life or suffering trauma from giving life, during birth. There will also be a time in life when a woman loses her primary role model, being her mother or primary carer, changing her again into a different version of herself. All the above is happening whilst navigating marriages, careers, friendships, wars, loss of loved ones and loss of self at times.
Hypothalamus and pituitary gland: During menopause, the hypothalamus and pituitary gland continue to play a role in hormonal regulation. However, changes occur in the feedback loop due to declining ovarian function.
Decline in hormone production: As a woman enters menopause, her ovaries produce less estrogen and progesterone. This decline in hormone production triggers changes in the hypothalamus and pituitary gland. Irregular hormone function highs and lows
Hot flashes and other symptoms: Fluctuations in hormone levels during menopause can lead to symptoms such as hot flashes, night sweats, mood swings, and sleep disturbances. These symptoms are believed to be influenced by changes in the brain’s regulation of body temperature and neurotransmitter systems.
Hormone replacement therapy: In some cases, hormone replacement therapy (HRT) may be prescribed to manage menopausal symptoms. HRT supplements the declining hormone levels and helps alleviate some of the associated changes. Note: There are many older studies around HRT which are very negative that are no longer true.
Throughout both puberty and menopause, the brain acts as the control centre, coordinating hormonal changes that impact various aspects of the body, including reproductive function, physical development, and the regulation of body temperature and emotions. The intricate interplay between the brain and hormonal systems is essential for maintaining overall health and well-being during these stages of life.
The benefits of a healthy brain so we have a healthy mind.
Having a healthy brain is crucial for maintaining a healthy mind and overall well-being. Here are some benefits of a healthy brain:
Cognitive function: A healthy brain supports optimal cognitive function, including memory, attention, learning, and problem-solving abilities. It allows for better focus and mental clarity.
Emotional well-being: A healthy brain helps regulate emotions, promoting emotional stability, resilience, and the ability to manage stress. It plays a role in mood regulation and can contribute to a positive outlook on life.
Mental health: A healthy brain is linked to better mental wellness outcomes, reducing the risk of conditions such as depression, anxiety, and cognitive decline.
Decision-making: A healthy brain enables better decision-making abilities, facilitating sound judgment, and reasoning skills. It supports the ability to weigh options, consider consequences, and make informed choices.
Creativity and problem-solving: A healthy brain fosters creativity and innovation. It allows for flexible thinking, problem-solving, and the generation of new ideas.
Adaptability and resilience: A healthy brain is more adaptable and resilient, enabling individuals to cope with and adjust to life’s challenges and changes effectively.
Physical health: The brain plays a vital role in maintaining physical health. It regulates bodily functions, including hormone production, immune system responses, and autonomic functions like breathing and heart rate.
Sleep quality: A healthy brain contributes to better sleep quality, facilitating restorative sleep patterns. Sufficient and restful sleep is essential for cognitive functioning, mood regulation, and overall health.
Longevity: A healthy brain is associated with a reduced risk of neurodegenerative disorders such as Alzheimer’s disease and dementia, promoting brain health and potentially extending cognitive function and quality of life in later years.
Relationships and social interactions: A healthy brain supports positive social interactions, empathy, and effective communication. It plays a role in understanding and connecting with others, fostering meaningful relationships.
Taking care of your brain health involves adopting a holistic approach, including regular exercise, a balanced diet, sufficient sleep, stress management, mental stimulation, social engagement, and avoiding harmful habits like smoking and excessive alcohol consumption. Engaging in activities that challenge your brain, learning new skills, learning about you and maintaining an active social life, can also contribute to brain health and well-being.
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This article is written by John Kim, LMFT a fellow Therapist from Psychology Today
First, an open relationship, also known as a non-exclusive relationship, is an intimate relationship that is sexually non-monogamous. The term may refer to polyamory, but generally indicates a relationship where there is a primary emotional and intimate relationship between two partners, who agree to at least the possibility of intimacy with other people.
A polyamorous relationship means having multiple romantic partners at the same time, with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved.
In a nutshell, an open relationship means you still have one primary partner but both can have other sexual partners. Polyamory means you have multiple relationships that are both emotional as well as sexual. There is no primary. The terms both fall under the heading of “ethical nonmonogamy,” but they are not synonymous. You can combine them or do one without the other.
Okay now.
Second, I have not practiced either. I have only been in monogamous relationships my entire life. I guess you can say I am a serial monogamous, which is probably why this topic brings me instant anxiety.
I think people ask me if open relationships work often due to my profession, not because they think I have personal experience with it. They may want to know from a therapeutic perspective if this kind of relationship can work. Is it healthy? Is it sustainable?
But I cannot separate who I am from what I do. Well, I can but choose not to. So here’s a little primer before I get to my answer.
I grew up like you. Thinking you find your “one”, exchange vows, make babies, and live happily ever after. This person is your best friend and soulmate. Your forever and one and only. This is what love looks like and what everyone wants.
Then I grew up and got married. I was on the path presented in movies and novels. I got down on one knee, like you’re supposed to, at a mountain top somewhere in Oregon. The marriage lasted five years and we divorced. I’ve been in many relationships since then. Three years here. Three years there. All of them fulfilling in their own way with colourful love arcs that change people forever.
I’ve learned that relationships are built and require lots of hard work, but what of value in this life doesn’t? Also, you’re only fifty percent of any relationship so no matter how much you’ve learned about love or how far you’ve come, you can only control half of it. Finally, I’ve learned that our definitions and desires change as we change. Your definition of love and what you wanted in college is probably very different than your definitions and what you want today. And that’s a good thing. It means you’re alive.
That’s the thing about love and relationships. They are not dried cement. They are mouldable and adaptive. Wet. Always changing. It’s our upbringing, media, society, culture, and religion that convinces us the cement is dry and comes in a perfect square. For example, in Thailand boys hold hands and wear dresses. Sex is open and free. Ordering a sexual experience is as casual as ordering a cheeseburger with no pickles. That behaviour and energy can get people physically hurt in other countries. The world you grew up in (or live in now) directly impacts the blueprints you try to trace as an adult. We are not free thinkers. We all have been programmed to a certain extent. Even if we have changed and escaped our bubbles (both internally and externally), the residue of “shoulds” we grew up with still impacts us. This explains the anxiety that comes up when I think about open relationships.
Okay, so do they work? I would like to answer by taking you through my thought process, as a therapist who has heard thousands of relationship stories but also as a person with the brief love history I disclosed above. I feel like it would be the most honest way to answer this question.
Let’s start with the obvious.
I get to have sex with other people and still be in this relationship? Sure, sign me up! Wait, but she also gets to sleep with other people. Awww hell no.
Aubrey Marcus, who has publically gone from monogamy to open relationships to wherever he is now, said he literary threw up the day he found out his girlfriend slept with someone else after they decided to open their relationship. Yes, there will be feelings and the first one may obviously be jealousy and hurt.
My question is this: assuming you have opened your relationship, how many of these feelings would come from ego, control, insecurity, possession, and “shoulds?” When I think about it for me, almost all of it would. The idea of my girlfriend choosing to have a sexual experience with someone else makes me feel insecure, that I am not enough, and she will leave if she meets someone better. So if I was truly secure in self and this relationship, would I still have these feelings?
I don’t know.
Still, the feelings are real and both people would need to work through them honesty for an open relationship to work. Otherwise, anger and resentment can build and suddenly it can turn into a sexual slugfest, using other sexual experiences with others to get back at each other for having sexual experiences with others, which you both agreed to. I know it sounds crazy but people are people and I’ve seen versions of this where people agree to something and it backfires. For example — a threesome — a common fantasy that rarely matches the fantasy we play out in our heads.
There is definitely a fantasy component to an open relationship. The idea that you can connect sexually to someone outside of your relationship may sound like a lottery ticket, especially if you have been with the same person since college. Yes, it is completely natural and normal to desire and be attracted to other people. That doesn’t mean you want to build a relationship with them.
It can even be a possible solution to re-spark your relationship or prevent infidelity. Yes, being with someone else can make you closer to your partner. Many times we drift because we feed fantasies we play in our heads. Our natural curiosity of being with someone else forces us to stay in our heads instead of present in our relationships. If fantasy becomes reality, that bubble pops and we no longer have to carry that fantasy. We can be more present, and many times, appreciate our current relationship more by actually experiencing the grass and realizing it’s not greener. This is why many break up, explore, and then come back. And like travel, exotic locations can give you new and amazing experiences. But it can also make you appreciate your home; you start to miss your own bed.
For an open relationship to work, both parties must not only acceptance but encourage their partners to have new sexual experiences with others. Of course, you don’t need to know the details but you have to get to a place where you want your partner to explore their sexuality with others. You want them to have these experiences. For them. This is not something many people have the ability to give their partner. It requires a tremendous amount of trust in the relationship but also a trust in self that is greater than self.
If I look at this through a spiritual lens (not religious), love is infinite. And as humans, we are all connected and each connection is different and unique. These connections are what make us, break us, and make us again. That’s what life is ultimately about, the spectrum of our human connections and how that changes us. It doesn’t matter if that connection is friendship based, blood based, or sex-based. Connection is connection. Why should we limit ourselves? Why shouldn’t love also get to paint with colours? I believe we’re meant to meet who we’re meant to meet, and through that collision, both will be changed. That’s what makes life beautiful. Why should that be different with sex and love?
If I look at this through a biological lens, we are not designed to be with one person forever. That is a social/societal construct with a shame fence that keeps us from straying. Our bodies crave diversity. We are curious creatures. We have fantasies and imaginations. We are hardwired this way.
My conclusion with “the obvious.” Now, to the not-so-obvious.
Two people have to not only be on the same page but must truly be honest with themselves. They have to ask themselves if they have the ability, the inner capacity, to be completely okay with their partner having sex with others, to not just handle it but to not allow it to interfere with them loving their partner as much or even more with this new agreement. If you feel intimidated or less than because your partner experienced an orgasm with someone else, then you probably shouldn’t open your relationship.
I’ll tell you right now there’s no way I could do this in my twenties or even thirties. I didn’t have that kind of “capacity.” I didn’t have enough confidence or a sense of self for it to not destroy me on the inside. I would tally points, hold it against my partner, and bring a scoreboard into the bedroom. I also had very strict love blueprints. You give your all to one person and one person only. That’s it. Everything else is wrong and an excuse to cheat. But most importantly, I didn’t have a spiritual lens. And for me, that’s the only way I would be able to execute an open relationship. If I see it through a spiritual lens, as us being sexual beings and beauty in every connection. As spiritual beings. Not as people who default to possession.
You may wonder — if you have sexual experiences with others, wouldn’t you be creating space for an emotional connection as well? Wouldn’t you be jeopardizing your primary relationship? Basically, aren’t you playing Russian roulette with your primary relationship? We all know our emotions are stronger than our logic. So just because we logically say we will not allow ourselves to fall in love with someone else doesn’t mean we won’t. How can we prevent that since love is not logic-based?
One part of me says you can’t. You go in with intentions but no matter how strong they are, any kind of intimacy can lead to love. A simple kiss can draw you into thinking about that person for days, causing you to drift in your primary relationship. Those thoughts can turn into longing and real feelings. You may not be spending more time with your other relationship (non-primary) but where is your heart?
But another part of me says you can separate love and lust. It’s up to you to draw boundaries so your connections are kept sexual only. You can decide who you love and how you want to love them. As long as you are honest with yourself and your partner, you can keep this in check. Of course, this is not always simple and you have to decide if you can do this kind of heavy lifting. So the question is: do you have the ability to separate love from sex?
What if one person gets many partners and the other has few or none? That wouldn’t be a fair exchange.
That’s a real thing to consider if you choose to open your relationship. But I also worry that if that’s what you’re worried about, you are already positioning this to have a scoreboard. For an open relationship to work, it can’t be about how many partners your partner has compared to how many you have. Usually, open relationships are not about playing the field or how many people you can get into your rotation. It’s about being free to have other sexual experiences. And that’s an ebb and flow. Besides, who’s got that kind of time and energy? Hopefully not you or your partner.
Final Thoughts
People think open relationships are just about having the freedom to sleep with other people. So if that’s the case, why even be in a relationship? If that is your belief, opening your relationship will not work for you. Not a chance in hell. It will be the catalyst that breaks your relationship.
I believe for an open relationship to work, there has to be a foundation built first. Without this foundation, it will not work. Here are some suggestions for making an open relationship work.
What I find the most interesting and exciting about all of this is the fact that we’re starting to have these conversations. The world is changing. We are starting to redefine what makes us happy. We are questioning old models. This is happening in every area of our lives, health, fitness, work, and now love and sex. But questioning old love models brings up a lot of resistance in people, myself included.
Marriage and monogamy have been tightly tied to religion and the foundation of who we are, what’s right and wrong, how we should live, all wrapped in a lot of firm “shoulds”. If this is questioned, our floor is pulled out from under us. Everything is then in question. So people quickly stamp this as wrong. You may have felt that while reading this article. It’s a form of protection.
I’m at a point in my life where I no longer want fear or my own resistance and insecurities to keep me trapped. I am curious about everything that’s possible in this world. I’m not sure if that’s because I have a baby coming and I want to wear fresh new lenses for her, one not tainted by my own story. Or because I’m getting older and I’m realizing how short life is. But I’m finally want to toss old blueprints still folded in my back pocket. And start pulling from curiosity and an unwillingness to know or put things in perfect boxes. Because if there’s anything I’ve learned in the forty-six years I’ve been on this planet, no one really knows what’s best for you. Except you. And “you” is always changing. I am interested in dissolving ego and entering a spiritual plane that gives me new lenses to see the world and continues my evolution.
Do open relationships work? I don’t know. I haven’t given myself that experience. But I am open to the conversation, something I have never been before.
At the end of the day, you have to decide what kind of relationship you want and works for you. Monogamy, polygamy, open, or a combination of everything. It’s your life. It’s your heart. It’s your body. And know that you can change your mind and that’s okay. You just have to be honest with yourself and be prepared to reap the consequences of your actions good or bad and if you are a mum or dad the possible risks to your family unit. Is the decision to have sex with multiple partners worth the risk of losing your partner or breaking up your family? What’s the most important thing — your relationship with you! As mentioned previously in this article if you desire multiple partners the question is still why would you enter into a marriage or a long-term monogamous relationship? You may like to look into your own self-management style….
Conflict is a part of life; it can happen in all your relationships, whether with friends, family and significant others. But no matter the level of conflict, how we deal with that conflict determines whether or not we are happy and successful. Some forms of conflict can be mild, while others stem from a deeper unresolved issue. There are many different ways to deal with conflict, but three of the most popular are therapy, counselling, and mediation. So, what’s the difference between these three? “What is the Definition of Mediation in Psychology?” Mediation is a process in which two or more people attempt to reach an agreement on a disputed issue. It’s typically facilitated by a third party, such as a mediator, who remains neutral throughout the process and doesn’t take sides.
Mediators are neither counsellors nor therapists. Although they have quasi-comparable skills, they are not qualified or trained to support parties who wish to reconcile by exploring deep-rooted historical problems or issues. If this type of service is required for conflict resolution, mediators will refer the parties to suitable therapists and counsellors for appropriate support.
Mediation aims to come to a resolution that everyone can agree on. This type of conflict resolution is often used in cases where the parties involved are willing to negotiate and compromise, more often seen in families amid separation. However, family mediation is also helpful for more common issues, although therapists are often hired for more deep-rooted family problems. They can also get family counselling to resolve recurring issues. “So, What Do Mediators Do?” They empower parties in conflict to remain future-focused. The parties are encouraged to shelf issues that don’t help them or their families instead of staying stuck in the past. For couples intending to divorce, mediators will help them make informed decisions about their separation issues. It mainly covers and explores arrangements for their dependents.
In family mediation, parties may also explore softer topics, such as communication difficulties and boundary setting to help family members reach mutually acceptable agreements or understandings on critical issues.
The Benefits of Mediation
Since mediation is a guided negotiation often needed to reach a compromise and settle disputes. It provides plenty of benefits, such as
If you’re facing a conflict you can solve with compromise, consider mediation to resolve it. Therapy vs Counselling Therapy and counselling are both forms of psychological treatment. However, there are some critical differences between the two.
Counselling is typically shorter-term than therapy and focuses on resolving a specific issue. While it does have greater breadth than mediation, it’s often more present-focused and will address recurring problems in a relationship. Counselling can also include skill development to help mitigate those regular issues.
Although there may only be a single problem in a relationship, it is generally the case that the same issue keeps causing problems, undermining the parties’ satisfaction with the connection. Counselling can address such issues without delving into one’s personal history.
On the other hand, therapy is typically longer-term and focuses less on what needs to be resolved and more on the reason behind the conflict. It’s often more future-focused and seeks to prevent conflict from happening again. This type of conflict resolution provides the most significant depth and breadth to addressing relationship issues since it delves into the past.
By understanding the reason behind the conflict, therapists also encourage parties to explore their history and the possible contributions their past has made to their current relationship. In this case, a change of behaviour is usually expected.
The Benefits of Therapy
There are many benefits to therapy for individuals, couples and families, including the following: Individual Therapy
Family Therapy
Couples Therapy
If you’re facing a conflict with deep-rooted issues, consider therapy as a way to resolve it. You may be surprised at how effective it can be.
Counselling vs Mediation While counselling and mediation are forms of conflict resolution, the two have some key differences.
Mediation is typically directed at resolving a particular dispute by focusing on the futuristic implications of the issue and reaching a compromise that works for everyone. Meanwhile, counselling tends to focus on the present, addressing recurring problems in the relationship by helping the parties develop skills to mitigate issues.
The Benefits of Counselling
There are many benefits to counselling, including the following:
If you’re facing a recurring conflict, consider counselling as a way to resolve it.
What about Coaching? Coaching is often confused with therapy or counselling. However, coaching is different because it focuses on helping people achieve specific goals. It is a highly individualised and personalised well-being intervention that works for individuals and various relationships. Coaches don’t focus on the past or on resolving conflict. Instead, they work with their clients to help them identify and achieve their goals.
Coaching should empower individuals to find the answers within themselves. In this case, the coachee is the one who should set goals and determine what success looks like instead of the coach.
The Benefits of Coaching
There are many benefits to coaching, including the following:
If you need guidance in resolving conflict or achieving a specific goal, consider coaching as a way to help you develop actionable strategies. “How Do I Know Which is Right for Me?” So, which one is right for you? It really depends on your specific situation. If you have a particular dispute that you need to resolve, mediation may be a good option. Counselling may be a better option if you’re dealing with recurring conflicts in your relationship. And if you want to understand the root cause of your conflict and learn how to prevent it in the future, therapy may be the best choice.
The best way to determine which of these conflict resolution methods is right for you is to speak with a qualified professional. They will be able to assess your situation and help you find the best way to move forward.
Get Therapy, Counselling and Mediation from Qualified Professionals at DIPAC Therapy, counselling, mediation and coaching are all great ways to have a fulfilling and happy life. The best part is that they work for individuals, families and all kinds of relationships. So, if you think you need any of these services, contact DIPAC to get in touch with experienced and licensed professionals who provide assistance with compassion.
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