Reminder of Christmas Holidays

Just a quick reminder we will be closing for the Christmas break Dec 18th 2023 to January 18th 2024

Those couples who are going through the 30 days to a deeper connection program, you may need to plan your sessions in advance to make sure your dates are locked in within the next fortnight.

The 5th step on the program is the most important step please try to not miss this step before Christmas.

Brochure and Testimonials – 

Emotions Make Babies and Emotions Make Wars

My objective is to educate to make the world a better place, one person at a time, the only person we will ever control is ourselves.

Emotions are the most powerful force in the human body. Forget mind /body connection, the whole body is an eco-system, it’s a whole, always has been, always will be. If your hand is not working properly, you seek a professional of your choice, your neck hurts, you see your preferred professional, your mind is not working the way you want, you seek a professional of your choice.

Whether you are driving your career, in a business, relationship, partnership, marriage or family, learning to manage and read emotions is one of the most beneficial skills ever attained.

If you find yourself reacting in a way you are not proud of in reflection, you may like to seek some guidance from a professional counsellor or phycologist to help get to the root.

Have you ever heard of the saying we often hurt the ones we love?

There may be reasons for this: You could be projecting guilt, self- loathing or shame. You may be blinded to seeing their prospective. You could have an avoidant attachment style, or you may delve into self- destructive behaviours or even self -sabotage.

Embarking on the exploration of human emotions proves to be a captivating journey, driven by our sincere desire to comprehend one another. Navigating this intricate realm, we often grapple with the challenge of deciphering emotions accurately, exemplified by the familiar yet perplexing inquiry, “What’s the matter?” Responding with a simple “Nothing, that’s just my face,” can mistakenly project a grumpy demeanour, highlighting our inherent curiosity about the intentions of those we engage with—are they friends or foes? Powerful or subservient? A potential mate or not?

This pursuit of understanding emotions naturally evolves into a profound, philosophical inquiry. Imagine a moment when someone’s reaction to an event surprise you, prompting the question: “Is that other person experiencing the same event as me?” This contemplation extends to the broader query: “Do humans share similar emotions, or are we inherently different?”

Over time, philosophy has wrestled with these questions, often concluding that our experiences are incommensurate. However, recent revelations from neuroscience challenge this notion, suggesting that, despite perceived differences, we are more alike than different.

Cutting-edge research utilising brain scans reveals a remarkable 90 percent accuracy in reading human emotions. When exposed to images of unpleasant scenarios, individuals exhibit surprisingly similar, predictable brain patterns. This aligns with findings from a university study, demonstrating synchronised brain patterns between storytellers and listeners, emphasising the universal impact of stories.

Despite diverse individual experiences, our neural signatures for emotions remain essentially the same from person to person. This underscores our shared humanity and raises the possibility that computers could master recognising emotions with unprecedented accuracy—potentially surpassing our own abilities.

This revelation humbly acknowledges that our accuracy in understanding emotions falls short compared to the precision achievable by artificial intelligence. As we navigate effective communication and public speaking, enhancing our ability to read emotions can significantly improve our connections with others.

In essence, the research posits that, contrary to assumptions, we are more alike than different. The implications are profound, hinting at the potential for improved communication and interpersonal understanding for those willing to explore the shared emotional landscape that unites us all. The journey to unravel the mysteries of human emotions continues, promising insights that could reshape the way we connect and communicate.

Transitioning to the emotion of anger: Anger is on the rise in today’s world, it often stems from a foundation of sadness. Seeking help from a counsellor or psychologist is advisable for those struggling to control anger, as it can have destructive consequences for oneself and others.

Let’s delve into the effects of “yelling” on the body for you and other when angry. Examining the physiological and psychological changes that occur in the body when someone expresses anger loudly. When someone yells in an angry manner, the human body undergoes various responses associated with the “fight or flight” stress response:  It’s scary right!

·        The body experiences an increase in heart rate, preparing for action.

·        Blood pressure temporarily rises, supplying more oxygen to muscles for potential physical action.

·        Stress hormones like adrenaline and cortisol are released, energising the body and sharpening the senses.

·        Muscles, particularly in the neck, shoulders, and jaw, tense up as part of the body’s readiness for physical exertion.

·        Stress-induced rapid, shallow breathing limits oxygen reaching the brain, contributing to breathlessness or tension.

·        Pupils dilate, enhancing visual acuity and alertness to surroundings. Note: In people with prolonged stress, vision can be impaired leaving you with burred sight.

·        The prefrontal cortex, responsible for thoughts actions and emotions may be temporarily impaired during high-stress situations.

·        Anger triggers the release of neurotransmitters, heightening emotional responses like irritability or impatience. Leaving little room for rational negotiation.

·        The stress response redirects blood flow from non-essential functions, leading to digestive changes such as a queasy stomach or decreased appetite. “I feel physically sick”

These responses are natural defence mechanisms designed to help individuals respond to perceived threats. However, frequent or prolonged activation of the stress response can have negative implications for both physical and mental health. Learning effective coping mechanisms and communication skills is crucial for cultivating a healthier response to anger and stress.

Note to parents and teachers:  ACE’s Adverse Childhood Experiences- prolonged activation of a child’s nervous system can have negative lifelong health effects on a child. Here is additional information for your further interest Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs): Impact on brain, body and behaviour – YouTube Dr Felitti  Dr. Vincent J. Felitti – Medical Services ( Adverse Childhood Experiences and Adult Criminality: How Long Must We Live before We Possess Our Own Lives? – PMC (

Prevention is always better than cure!

Identifying and Understanding the Impact of Stress

Understanding the Impact of Stress on Emotions, Physical Well-being, and Behaviour

Stress can trigger a wide range of emotions and physical reactions. When you are under stress, you may experience:

Emotional Responses:

  • Irritability, anger, impatience, or feeling wound up.
  • A sense of being overburdened or overwhelmed.
  • Anxiety, nervousness, or fear.
  • Racing thoughts and an inability to switch off.
  • An inability to enjoy yourself.
  • Feelings of depression.
  • A lack of interest in life.
  • The loss of your sense of humour.
  • A pervasive sense of dread.
  • Worry or tension.
  • A feeling of neglect or loneliness.
  • Exacerbation of pre-existing mental health issues.
  • Suicidal feelings in extreme cases, which can be highly distressing.

Physical Signs of Stress:

The body’s stress response can manifest in various physical symptoms, including:

  • Difficulty breathing.
  • Panic attacks.
  • Blurred vision or sore eyes.
  • Sleep disturbances.
  • Fatigue.
  • Muscle aches and headaches.
  • Chest pains and elevated blood pressure.
  • Indigestion or heartburn.
  • Gastrointestinal issues like constipation or diarrhoea.
  • Nausea, dizziness, or fainting.
  • Sudden weight fluctuations.
  • Skin problems such as rashes or itching.
  • Increased sweating.
  • Changes in your menstrual cycle.
  • Aggravation of pre-existing physical health conditions.

High levels of stress can intensify these physical effects, especially when stress persists over an extended period. In some cases, chronic stress may lead to more severe and long-term physical health problems, such as Takotsubo cardiomyopathy (often referred to as ‘broken heart’ syndrome), which mimics the symptoms of a heart attack.

Behavioural Responses:

Stress can significantly affect your behaviour, causing you to:

  •  Struggle with decision-making.
  • Experience difficulty in concentrating.
  • Encounter memory issues or slower recall.
  • Engage in constant worrying or feelings of dread.
  • Exhibit irritability and snap at others.
  • Engage in habits like nail-biting or skin-picking.
  • Grind your teeth or clench your jaw.
  • Encounter sexual problems, including a loss of interest or an inability to enjoy intimacy  or ED
  • Develop irregular eating habits, either overeating or undereating.
  • Increase substance use, such as smoking, recreational drug use, or alcohol consumption.
  • Feel restless and unable to sit still.
  • Cry or become tearful.
  • Overspend or engage in excessive shopping.
  • Reduce or increase exercise levels.
  • Withdraw from social interactions.
  • Using Alcohol, Sex, Gambling or Porn to self sooth

Stress can make you feel as though the world is closing in on you, causing a sense of suffocation and impending doom.

Causes of Stress: Numerous factors can contribute to stress, including:

·        High-pressure situations.

·        Significant life changes.

·        Worries or concerns.

·        A lack of control over outcomes.

·        Overwhelming responsibilities.

·        Monotony or insufficient stimulation in life.

·        Experiencing discrimination, hatred, or abuse.

·        Periods of uncertainty.

·        Loss of control

.        The news and social media

Stress can result from both major life events and the accumulation of minor stressors. Identifying the sources of stress can be challenging, and their impact may vary from person to person.

Factors Influencing Stress Reactions:

Your response to different stressors can depend on various factors, including:

·        Your comfort level in particular situations.

·        Concurrent life circumstances.

·        Past experiences and their impact on self-perception.

·        Available resources, including time and financial support.

·        The level of support from others.

. Triggers from the past

It’s important to note that what might cause stress for one person may not affect another in the same way. Some situations may induce stress intermittently rather than consistently.

Common Stress-Causing Situations:

Stress can stem from various areas of your life, such as:

Personal Life:

·        Illness or injury.

·        Pregnancy and becoming a parent.

·        Infertility or fertility challenges.

·        Bereavement.

·        Experiencing abuse.

·        Encounters with crime and the justice system.

·        Organising complex events like holidays.

·        Mundane tasks like household chores or commuting

Family and Social Relationships:

·        Marriage or civil partnerships.

·        Break-ups or divorces.

·        Challenging relationships with family or friends.

. Living in an unhappy relationship

·        Becoming a blended family

·        Acting as a caregiver.

. Excessive Mental load

Employment and Education:

·        Job loss.

·        Prolonged unemployment.

·        Retirement.

·        Examinations and deadlines.

·        Workplace stressors, difficult colleagues or boss

·        Transitioning to a new job.

Housing and Financial Issues:

·        Housing problems, including poor living conditions, insecurity, or homelessness.

·        Relocating.

·        Neighbourhood disputes.

Financial Stress:

·        Financial concerns or worries about benefits.

·        Living in poverty.

·        Managing debt.

. Financial abuse in a relationship.

. Carrying the financial load for a family

. Aging parental care

Social Factors:

·        Limited access to essential services like healthcare or transportation.

·        Navigating community-wide, national, or global stressful events, such as the COVID-19 pandemic.

Note: Health stress has been an ongoing issue for many after Covid

·        Facing stigma or discrimination, including racism, homophobia, biphobia, or transphobia.

Even happy events, like weddings or having a baby, can introduce new and unique stressors due to the significant changes and increased demands associated with them. This can be especially challenging when societal expectations dictate that you should feel positive and excited during such moments.

Stress is a complex and individualised experience, and understanding its various triggers and effects is essential for managing and mitigating its impact on mental and physical well-being.


The breath is the most important place to start when you are feeling stressed, who would have thought that most of us would not know how to breathe properly.

Shallow breathing is not going to be your friend if you are a stressed or an anxious person.

There is always a root to a problem, if you find yourself anxious or stressed, you may need to seek out a professional therapist to help identify the root. A professional will provide you with strategies and tools for self-management and prevention. Your Quality of Life is important!

Here is a tip to help calm your body:

Deep breathing

One of the simplest and most effective ways to calm the nervous system is through deep breathing (Harvard 2020).

There are no set rules, but one of the most popular techniques is the “4-7-8” technique.

How To Perform the 4-7-8 Breathing Exercise | Andrew Weil, M.D. – YouTube

This involves:

1.     inhaling for four counts

2.     holding for seven counts, and

3.     exhaling for eight counts.

There are many other ways to promote relaxation and reduce stress that work together with these techniques. These include:

  • spending time in nature
  • getting regular exercise
  • practising gratitude
  • engaging in creative activities such as art or music.

Overall, it is important to find strategies that work for you. Incorporate these strategies into your daily routine to best support your health.

Please remember DIPAC – Walk and Talk Therapy, it is called “Eco Therapy” Just write “Ecotherapy” in the notes when you book online. If you are time poor and find it hard to get your walk in, this may be for you.

What Does It Mean to Feel Like a Burden?

What Does It Mean to Feel Like a Burden?

Experiencing the sensation of being a burden can entail a persistent fear that you are causing inconvenience, irritation, or frustration to those around you. This apprehension may lead to concerns that others are growing weary of your needs or requests, and it can hinder you from being authentic, seeking emotional support, or establishing personal boundaries. Even when reassured by those in your life that you are not a burden, the nagging doubt can persist.

What Causes This Feeling?

The feeling of burden can originate from various sources. It might have its roots in childhood or develop later in life. Let’s explore some common origins of feeling like a burden:

1.      Parental Expectations from Childhood: The upbringing a person receives can cultivate a sense of being a burden from a young age. Parents who impose high standards may convey the idea that their child is only deserving of love, affection, or even basic needs if they perform flawlessly in every aspect of life. This message can be subtle or indirect, creating an expectation of perfection. Feeling like a burden can also stem from being assigned excessive responsibilities during childhood, leading one to believe they should be entirely self-sufficient and reluctant to seek emotional support as an adult.

2.      Low Self-Esteem or Self-Worth: Low self-esteem can be a significant factor contributing to the feeling of being a burden. It may result from various sources, such as toxic relationships, bullying, strict religious upbringing, or cultural messaging. Believing that you are fundamentally unworthy can intensify this sensation. Improving self-esteem can empower you to request assistance and accept love, as high self-esteem correlates with success and well-being in various life domains.

3.      Physical or Mental Illness: Individuals with physical or mental illnesses or disabilities may require additional support, making them feel as if they are imposing on others. This feeling can lead to over-apologising, isolation, or frustration with one’s own needs. Similarly, individuals in recovery from addiction may perceive themselves as a burden, as addiction may have placed stress on their loved ones. Recognising that everyone needs help at times and acknowledging the positive impact you have on those around you can help address this feeling.

How to Overcome Feeling like a Burden:

There are several strategies to overcome the feeling of being a burden:

1.      Build Self-Esteem: Elevate your self-esteem over time by practicing positive affirmations, spending time with supportive individuals, setting and achieving goals, challenging negative thoughts, and adopting healthy habits. Joining support groups can also provide validation and encouragement.

2.      Reverse the Situation: Consider how you would feel if someone you loved needed help or support in the same way you do. This perspective can remind you that you are deserving of love and assistance, just as others are.

3.      Reframe Your Apologies: Rather than apologising for expressing your needs or accepting help, try reframing your apologies in a more positive light. Show gratitude for the support you receive to shift your perspective.

4.      Gain Compassionate Insight into Cognitive Distortions: Educate yourself about cognitive distortions that contribute to the feeling of being a burden. Recognising and challenging these distorted thoughts can help alleviate negative feelings.

5.      Talk to a Counsellor or Therapist: Seeking the guidance of a mental health professional, especially one who offers cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), can help you identify and modify flawed thought patterns. Therapy can also address past traumas, build self-esteem, and improve communication skills.

Whether you choose in-person therapy or online options, with assist you in overcoming the challenges associated with feeling like a burden.

If your relationship is being plagued by your unhealthy beliefs and behaviors from childhood, it might be time for a RESET.

NB: If you have completed the “Disclosure” step 4 it’s now time to move to the closure and bonding session Step 5.

5 Steps to a better more connected relationship over 30days program”

Challenging negative thoughts by questioning their validity. Helping you live with more peace and less pain with RTT

Recognise the power of your thoughts: I will emphasise that our thoughts have a significant impact on our emotions, behaviour, and overall well-being. Individual need to understand that they have control over their thoughts and can actively work to change them.

Challenge negative thoughts: I advocate for challenging negative thoughts by questioning their validity and replacing them with positive affirmations. Negative thoughts are often distorted and not based on objective reality.

Use positive affirmations: Affirmations are positive statements that can help counteract negative thoughts. I will encourage individuals to repeat positive affirmations regularly, as this can rewire the brain and help create more positive thought patterns.

Focus on gratitude: Now, the importance of gratitude in shifting negative thinking. By focusing on what you are grateful for in your life, you can cultivate a more positive mindset and reduce the influence of negative thoughts. It’s important to have someone challenge your fix mindset and teach you strategies for developing an open mindset.

Practice self-acceptance and self-love: Even in 2023 I have push back on this practice, self-acceptance and self-love are essential for overcoming negative thoughts. By acknowledging your worth and embracing yourself, flaws and all, you can develop a more positive and compassionate mindset toward you and others. Note: If you have little to no love, forgiveness and acceptance for you, you will have very little to give to others. This may present as Anger, Anxiety, Depression, Jealousy, etc…you may display no empathy for others perhaps! On the flip side you may become highly agreeable, a people pleaser leaving no room or time for you.

Self-development starts with acknowledgment. Tip: You have two choices the pain of staying the same or the pain of change. That you resist will persist…

How were you parented? If you are struggling with your childhood, you may have been parented by parents who have their own story and mental health issues and as a result you feel physically and mentally unsettled:

A snapshot from where your parents may have come from in the mental health system:

How mental health was treated in the 80’s? It was in the 80’s when PTSD was recognised as a mental health diagnoses. Prior to this revelation people suffered terribly not only from the medical profession but also socially people were shamed and outcast.

There were no wellbeing hours in school; few conversations on what to do or who to reach out to if you are struggling; no lessons around depression, anxiety, or eating disorders without the suggestion of a stigma being present; no education on conditions or experiences such as psychosis or schizophrenia. There were few practitioners who knew a lot about mental health.

How mental health was treated in the 50’s

In the 50s, mental health was extremely stigmatised, and people with mental health problems were thought of as ‘defective’ and sent off to asylums. We actively tackle the problematic thinking around this today. I have a great deal of compassion for these people many live with terrible shame and guilt.

In the 50’s they had nowhere to turn in fear of being sent away from their family.

During the early 1950s, the treatment of mental health disorders consisted of inhumane and barbaric therapies. This includes lobotomies and electroconvulsive therapy. A lobotomy is a surgical procedure where a metal instrument is inserted into the brain and a portion of the frontal lobe was either removed or manipulated. Lobotomies were utilised because it was believed that this type of procedure would cure people of visual and auditory hallucinations, which are symptoms of psychosis. Psychosis is commonly associated with schizophrenia and other psychotic disorders.

Whilst the following picture states “Toxic parenting” it is not my intention to blame anyone. If you are living with a mental health challenge, it is not easy. I would hope that the people around you show compassion and support and that you seek help from a practitioner who is a good fit for you.

Most people do not set out to hurt people.

What is Rapid Transformational Therapy (RTT)

It combines techniques from various disciplines such as Deep relaxation, Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), Neuro-linguistic programming (NLP), and Psychotherapy. RTT aims to bring about rapid and lasting change by identifying and addressing the root causes of issues, rather than just managing symptoms.

There is a degree of inner child work in this therapy due to sometimes the root cause could go back to your memory as a 6yr old for example.

Note to parents: Your children have a revision mirror, what will they be saying and feeling about their childhood as an adult?

The main principles of RTT include:

Uncovering the root cause: RTT seeks to uncover the underlying beliefs and experiences that contribute to current challenges or issues. By understanding and addressing the root cause, it aims to facilitate healing and transformation.

Utilising deep relaxation: Relaxation is a key component of RTT. It is a guided and focused relaxation, helping the mind to open and close mental folders gently. Individuals access their subconscious mind, where deeply ingrained beliefs and patterns are stored. Through guided relaxation and focused attention, we then can start on reprograming negative beliefs and replace them with positive and empowering ones.

Restructuring thought patterns: RTT focuses on changing thought patterns and beliefs that no longer serve individuals. By identifying and reframing negative beliefs, RTT aims to create new neural pathways and thought patterns that support positive change.

Empowering language and affirmations: Language is an important aspect of RTT. It emphasises the use of positive and empowering language both during therapy sessions and in daily life. Affirmations are commonly used to reinforce positive beliefs and overcome negative self-talk.

Follow-up reinforcement: RTT recognises the importance of ongoing reinforcement and support after therapy sessions.

It’s important to note that while RTT has gained popularity and positive reviews from many individuals, it is always recommended to consult your doctor if you are thinking of self-harming. If you are in dark place mentally calling 000 immediately

Sometimes people need medication to settle enough in their body and mind to be able to take on therapy. Those patients who require medical intervention prior to entering therapy, should not feel ashamed or feel they are not enough. One thing I have learned over my many years of working with people, is the body really does keep the score and we are all very different. What happened to you in your life, is very different to what happened to another person in their life.

How does Trauma effect negative thinking?

Trauma can have a significant impact on negative thoughts. When someone experiences a traumatic event/events, it can disrupt their sense of safety, well-being, and trust in the world. This disruption often leads to various cognitive and emotional changes, including negative thoughts.

Trauma can affect your thoughts and actions, here are some areas to consider:

Negative beliefs about oneself: Trauma can lead to a distorted and negative self-perception. Individuals who have experienced trauma may develop beliefs such as being unworthy, powerless, or deserving of harm. These negative beliefs can manifest as self-critical thoughts and feelings of guilt or shame.

Negative beliefs about others: Trauma can also impact how individuals perceive and trust others. They may develop negative beliefs about people’s intentions, expecting others to be harmful, untrustworthy, or unreliable. These beliefs can contribute to negative thoughts about relationships and social interactions.

Note: This one is very common in relationships, past trauma can play a big part on how we see and react to our partners in times of stress and overwhelm…

eg: having children, you have not been a parent before. Trauma can also resurface after a death of a parent… Note: Because we are having children later in life, couples are finding themselves in a “sandwich” position, looking after children and parents at the same time. Life is a lot! But with a little knowledge and nurturing, all will be ok 🙂

Negative beliefs about the world: Traumatic events can shatter a person’s belief in the world as a safe and predictable place. They may develop negative beliefs about the world being dangerous, unfair, or unpredictable. These beliefs can lead to feelings of anxiety, hypervigilance, and pessimism. Note: A child being abandoned or perceived to be abandoned by a parent can set off this trauma and can last over a lifetime if not treated.

Intrusive thoughts and memories: Trauma can result in intrusive thoughts, flashbacks, or vivid memories of the traumatic event. These intrusive thoughts can be distressing and contribute to negative thought patterns, as individuals may constantly relive the traumatic experience or feel overwhelmed by intrusive images, body sensations, or emotions associated with it.

Hyperarousal and negative thinking: Trauma can dysregulate the nervous system, leading to a state of hyperarousal or chronic stress. In this state, negative thinking can become more prevalent, as the mind is constantly scanning for threats and interpreting situations in a negative or catastrophic manner. Note: The body keeps the score, we need to learn to listen to our body sensations.

It’s important to note that the effects of trauma on negative thoughts can vary among individuals and depend on factors such as the nature of the trauma, personal resilience, and available support systems. Healing from trauma often involves a comprehensive approach that may include therapy, support groups, medication, self-care, and developing coping strategies to address negative thoughts and their impact.  Note: RTT is very effective for when addressing trauma

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Bookings can also be made via Psychology today & HotDoc

Employee Assistance Programs are: Converge, Clear Head, Prima Career

Anger, Disrespect and Criticism will turn off the Intimacy Desire and Sex in a relationship…

Anger and disrespect will turn off the Intimacy Desire and Sex in a relationship. It’s hard for a woman to want to have sex with a man when he yells at her, puts her down, slams doors, gets drunk etc…

And it’s hard for a man to be intimate and romantic with a woman who constantly criticise him.

A sexless marriage/long term relationship can be plagued with unhealthy behavior such as the above.

So let’s learn more about what works and what does not work… Tip: Respectful communication is key and “Saying it as it is” may not be the most respectful way to deliver a message.

Try being a little less right from time to time 🙂

Sex, intimacy, and desire are three critical elements that make a relationship healthy and fulfilling. While it’s easy to get caught up in the physical act of sex, it’s important to understand that sex is just one part of a larger framework of intimacy that includes emotional connection, trust, and vulnerability. a secure bond between two people. Now let’s explore the role of sex, intimacy, and desire in relationships, and how they can be fostered and maintained.

Sex is an important aspect of a romantic relationship, as it can help to strengthen the emotional bond between partners. Sexual activity releases oxytocin, a hormone that is responsible for feelings of closeness, trust, and attachment. It’s no wonder that couples who have sex regularly tend to report higher levels of satisfaction in their relationships. However, it’s important to note that not all couples have the same sex drive, and that’s perfectly normal. A healthy sex life involves open communication and a willingness to compromise, rather than putting pressure on one partner to conform to the other’s desires.

Check-in… if you are wanting sex more and more and your partner is saying it’s become problematic, you may be using sex for the treatment of anxiety or other mental health issue. You maybe be using sex to “self-sooth.”

Intimacy, on the other hand, goes beyond just physical touch. It’s about feeling emotionally connected to your partner and sharing your thoughts and feelings with them. Intimacy requires vulnerability and trust, and it’s something that needs to be nurtured over time. Couples who are emotionally intimate are better able to weather the ups and downs of life, as they have a strong foundation of trust and communication to fall back on.

Desire is another important aspect of a relationship, as it fuels the sexual spark between partners. Desire can ebb and flow over time, and it’s important to acknowledge that it’s a normal part of the human experience. However, if one partner is consistently feeling a lack of desire, it’s important to address this issue in a compassionate and open way. There are many factors that can impact desire, including stress, health issues, and relationship problems, and it’s important to work through these issues together as a team.

So, how can couples foster sex, intimacy, and desire in their relationships? Here are some tips:

  • Make time for each other: In today’s busy world, it’s easy to get caught up in work, kids, and other responsibilities. However, it’s important to make time for each other on a regular basis. This could be as simple as having a weekly date night or carving out some time each day to check in with each other.
  • Communicate openly and honestly: Communication is key to any healthy relationship. Make sure to talk openly and honestly about your feelings, desires, and concerns. Don’t be afraid to ask for what you need and be willing to listen to your partner’s needs as well.
  • Be willing to compromise: As mentioned earlier, not all couples have the same sex drive. It’s important to be willing to compromise and find a middle ground that works for both partners. This could involve experimenting with different sexual activities or finding ways to increase intimacy in other areas of the relationship.
  • Practice self-care: Taking care of yourself is an important part of maintaining a healthy relationship. This could involve getting enough sleep, eating well, exercising, and engaging in activities that bring you joy.
  • Seek help when needed: If you’re struggling with sex, intimacy, or desire in your relationship, don’t be afraid to seek help. This could involve talking to a therapist, a sex therapist, or attending a couples’ retreat.

In conclusion, sex, intimacy, and desire are all critical elements of a healthy and fulfilling relationship.

By fostering open communication, practicing self-care, and being willing to compromise, couples can create a strong foundation of trust and intimacy that will help them weather the ups and downs of life.

Unhealthy behaviours in a relationship can have a significant impact on intimacy, sex, and desire for both men and women. These behaviours can create emotional distance, erode trust, and cause partners to feel unloved or unwanted. Here are some common unhealthy behaviours that can turn off intimacy, sex, and desire:

  1. Lack of communication: Communication is key to a healthy relationship. If one or both partners are not willing to communicate their needs, desires, and concerns, it can lead to misunderstandings and hurt feelings. Without open and honest communication, it’s difficult to build intimacy and desire in a relationship.
  2. Lack of trust: Trust is essential in any relationship. If one partner is constantly questioning the other’s actions or motives, it can erode trust and create distance. Trust can be damaged by lying, cheating, or other forms of deception.
  3. Criticism and negativity: Constant criticism or negative comments can create a toxic environment in a relationship. If one partner is always pointing out the other’s flaws, it can lead to feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt. This can be a major turn-off for both men and women.
  4. Lack of affection: Physical affection, such as hugging, kissing, and cuddling, is an important part of intimacy. If one partner is consistently withholding affection, it can create a sense of emotional distance and cause the other partner to feel unloved or unwanted.
  5. Controlling behaviour: such as telling the other partner what to wear, who to hang out with, or how to spend their time, can be a major turn-off. It can create feelings of resentment and cause the other partner to withdraw emotionally.
  6. Lack of empathy: Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another person. If one partner is not willing to listen or show empathy when the other is going through a difficult time, it can create emotional distance and erode intimacy.
  7. Disrespectful behaviour: such as name-calling, belittling, or mocking, is a major turn-off for both men and women. It can create feelings of hurt and anger and erode intimacy, desire and trust in the relationship.

Unhealthy behaviours in a relationship can turn off intimacy, sex, and desire for both men and women. It’s important to identify and address these behaviours early on to prevent them from causing long-term damage to the relationship. By practicing open communication, showing respect and empathy, and building trust, couples can create a healthy and fulfilling relationship.

One of the biggest issues women raise in their one-on-one sessions with me is their partners use of porn. They tell me they do not feel desired and their partners expectation in the bedroom are unrealistic. They feel sex is an act and they are just a body. Some women have reported they are no longer having sex because of their partners porn use. They feel sad that the connecting and bonding with their partner has diminished. Some women view it as a form of cheating or disrespecting women. NOTE: Expectations move over time in long term relationships, what was acceptable when you were in your 20′ may not work for a couple in their 30’s 40’s and so on.

The use of porn in a relationship can have negative effects on a marriage. While some couples may feel comfortable using porn together or separately, it’s important to be aware of the potential risks and to have open communication about it. Here are some of the negative effects that porn use can have on a marriage:

  1. Unrealistic expectations: Pornography often portrays unrealistic scenarios and body types that may create unrealistic expectations in a relationship. This can lead to disappointment and dissatisfaction with one’s partner, causing strain in the relationship.
  2. Loss of intimacy: Watching porn can become a substitute for physical intimacy, causing a decrease in sexual desire and emotional connection between partners. This can lead to a lack of intimacy in the relationship, which can further erode the bond between partners.
  3. Addiction: Pornography can be addictive, causing a partner to prioritise it over other important aspects of their life, including their relationship. This can lead to neglect of the relationship and a loss of trust between partners.
  4. Sexual dysfunction: Overuse of pornography has been linked to sexual dysfunction, including erectile dysfunction and difficulty achieving orgasm. This can further exacerbate issues in the relationship and lead to frustration and dissatisfaction for both partners.
  5. Objectification: Pornography often objectifies women and can perpetuate harmful gender stereotypes. This can lead to a lack of respect for women in general, which can have negative effects on the relationship and may even lead to infidelity. Note: Sometimes women become mothers and feel very protective over their daughters. Where porn may have been tolerated prior to becoming a mother it may not be tolerated moving forward. Some women take a stronger mature moral standpoint of respect for all women. People change and grow; this subject will need a conversation on expectations.

It’s important to note that the effects of pornography use can vary from couple to couple, and what may be harmful for one relationship may not be for another. However, it’s essential to have open communication about the use of porn in the relationship and to establish clear boundaries and expectations. If one partner feels uncomfortable with porn use, it’s important to respect their feelings and work together to find a solution that works for both partners. Ultimately, maintaining a healthy and fulfilling marriage requires open communication, trust, and mutual respect.

Depression: Learn to manage your moods

What is depression?

Depression is a mood disorder that has many potential root causes and can impact every aspect of your life—from your relationships and social life to your job and interest in activities.

At its core, depression is a cyclical pattern of negative thinking that prevents you from seeing the opportunity or possibility in things—it focuses your thoughts on the potential barriers and negative outcomes. Depression depletes you of hope, which leads to disordered mental and physical health.

What causes depression?

There are nearly as many risk factors and causes of depression as there are suffers of the disorder, so it’s important to recognize that depression is an individual disease. There is rarely only one cause of a person’s depression—it’s often the combination of genetic, social and environmental factors. Because depression affects everyone differently, it must be treated on an individual case-by-case basis.

Potential causes and risk factors of depression:

  • Stressful or traumatic events
  • Unresolved personal history
  • Family history of depression, especially within the same household
  • Low self-esteem and patterns of negative thinking
  • Other mental health disorders such as anxiety or PTSD
  • Gender and/or sexual orientation
  • Substance abuse
  • Chronic illness or other physical health issue
  • Side effects of some prescription medications
  • Poor nutrition or disordered eating

What’s the difference between depressed and non-depressed people?

When you think about people who aren’t depressed, you may wonder how they stay happy all the time. It’s not that they are somehow shielded from depressing situations and it’s not that bad things don’t happen to them (they do). Non-depressed people either naturally possess or have learned skills and techniques to help them navigate difficult situations—they can come out the other side of difficult times without having lost their positive sense of possibility for the future.

The primary difference between depressed and non-depressed people is that non-depressed people are able to pull out their toolkit of coping skills when they face challenging, negative or adverse situations. They battle the situation as it happens, put away their tools and return to their base-level way of thinking—equipped with their toolkit for the next negative situation or thought to present itself.

How can I cure my depression

Although there is no cure for depression, there are methods to help you regulate your moods through medication, therapy or a combination of the two:


Antidepressant medications are designed to balance the chemicals in your brain to help stabilize your mood and boost it out of its negative state. Antidepressants are effective if your primary cause is biological. However, it’s important to recognize that the medication only treats the symptoms of depression and not the root cause. In addition, a treatment of only antidepressants won’t give you the coping skills and techniques you need to be able to manage your depression on a daily basis.


Therapy is an essential component of treating depression because it helps you learn how to cope with the trauma of your past while giving you skills to navigate the present and future. In Australia, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) is commonly used to treat depression because it equips people with the tools they need to cope with difficult situations and decisions. Therapy can help depressed people break free from their repetitive pattern of negative thinking and set realistic, achievable goals for treatment and practical use of those skills in everyday life.

Therapy and medication

Used together, therapy and medication is a good option for people who have a combination of different roots causes for their depression. Medication can help balance the biological side of things while therapy can help you develop skills such as how to manage stress, how to think carefully about a situation before making a decision, how to reflect in a constructive and positive way when decisions don’t work out as planned, and also how to build a support network around you of friends, family and doctors.

The best approach for YOU

The best approach in treating your depression is to work with your doctors to find a solution that works for you. Everyone is different and every treatment for depression will be individual. Everyone has their own path into depression and each person has their own path out If you need to talk about how you are feeling and what you can do, please have no hesitation to book an appointment with DIPAC and Associates.