Self-Management and Navigating Anger in Relationships

Navigating Anger in Relationships:

Anger is a potent emotion that resonates deeply within many of us, characterised by a spectrum of feelings ranging from frustration to outright aggression. It operates on a spectrum from mild frustration to absolute fury, and the intensity with which we feel anger and how we act on it is very personal. Science is beginning to provide new explanations about the ways that personality, age, gender, culture and life experiences shape the way we feel this emotions.  These emotional responses often surface in reaction to perceived injustices, threats, or wrongdoing by others, presenting itself in various intensities, from mild annoyance to overwhelming rage. Physiologically, anger triggers noticeable changes such as increased heart rate and elevated blood pressure.

Recognising anger as a fundamental human emotion is crucial, acknowledging that feeling angry is a natural response. While anger can serve as a means to express negative feelings or motivate problem-solving, the key lies in how individuals respond to and express their anger. Mishandling anger can lead to detrimental consequences, affecting both the individual experiencing it and those around them. As we have seen in the latest numbers 2024 in Australia 20 women 2 Children and 2 Men have been murdered by someone who is very close to them. This is tracking to be a 30% increase on 2023. The numbers recorded are for people who have been murdered due to mismanaged emotions, however there are many women and children who are hospitalised with terrible physical injuries and emotional scares that will impact them for life. Whilst most victims are women and children men are also victims of Domestic Abuse.

Remember: There is one letter that separates Anger from Danger…

Assessing Anger Issues in Relationships: A Personal Reflection

In relationships, chronic or intense anger can result in negative outcomes for both partners and their children. To assess whether anger management is an area of concern, individuals can reflect on the following questions:

  • Do I struggle to control my temper, especially in challenging situations?
  • Is staying calm difficult when faced with frustration or stress?
  • Do I find myself prone to anger outbursts, even over minor issues?
  • Am I frequently engaged in arguments with my partner?
  • Have instances of anger caused disruptions in my relationship or work?
  • Have I ever resorted to violence or threats in moments of anger?
  • Do others comment on my anger, expressing concern?
  • Do I find it challenging to calm down after becoming angry?

Affirmative responses may indicate the need for working on anger control with a therapist to ensure physical and emotional safety for all within the relationship and the family.

Recognising Warning Signs of Anger in Relationships

Identifying warning signs of escalating anger is crucial for managing it effectively within relationships. These signs can manifest physically and emotionally, providing cues that anger is intensifying. Physical signs may include shallow rapid breathing, muscle tension, common areas are tightness in the jaw, tightness across the shoulders, pressing your feet firmly into the floor and fist clenching. You may experience an increased heart rate, and sensations of heat.

Strategies and Techniques for Anger Management in Relationships

Learning SELF MANAGEMENT techniques is crucial

Once warning signs are recognised, employing effective anger management techniques becomes essential. Some strategies couples can explore include:

  • Set boundaries, taking time-out to gain clarity and prevent heated confrontations.
  • Practicing controlled breathing to diffuse anger and promote relaxation.
  • Encouraging positive self-talk to influence emotional outcomes.
  • Reframing situations to view them from a more positive perspective.
  • Engaging in distracting activities to redirect focus and reduce anger.

Preventing Excessive Anger in Relationships: Long-Term Strategies

Beyond managing anger in the moment, couples can adopt long-term strategies to address underlying causes of excessive anger, including:

  • Learning relaxation exercises to release physical tension and stress.
  • Incorporating regular physical exercise to regulate stress levels.
  • Taking breaks throughout the day to alleviate stress and promote relaxation.
  • Identifying triggers and developing healthy coping mechanisms.
  • Enhancing communication skills to prevent heated exchanges.
  • Exploring creative outlets as constructive emotional outlets.
  • Seek help for any childhood trauma that may be affecting you in your adulthood
  • While the effectiveness of these techniques and strategies varies, finding the most suitable method is crucial for maintaining healthy relationships. Seeking professional help, such as counselling, is recommended if anger significantly impacts daily life.

Burnout V Depression how do we know the difference?

Burnout typically stems from prolonged workplace stress, marked by feelings of exhaustion, cynicism, and a sense of ineffectiveness. It often arises due to extended periods of work overload, lack of control, and inadequate support within the workplace. Individuals experiencing burnout may find themselves emotionally drained, physically depleted, and disengaged from their work.

In contrast, depression is a mental health condition characterised by persistent feelings of sadness, hopelessness, and a loss of interest or pleasure in daily activities. Its impact extends beyond the workplace and can be influenced by a mix of genetic, biological, environmental, and psychological factors.

Although burnout and depression share symptoms like fatigue and emotional exhaustion, depression encompasses a broader range of indicators, including changes in appetite, disruptions in sleep patterns, and thoughts of self-harm or suicide.

Managing burnout often involves implementing strategies to enhance work-life balance, setting boundaries, seeking support, and adopting stress management techniques. Treatment for depression may entail therapy, medication, lifestyle adjustments, and assistance from mental health professionals

Recognising the nuances between burnout and depression is crucial for providing appropriate intervention and support to those affected. This understanding enables employers, healthcare providers, and individuals themselves to effectively address and manage these conditions.

Checkout this YouTube for further insights from Physiatrist Dr Tracey Marks

Feeling down? Let us talk about depression. Are you or someone you know experiencing a heavy heart? You are not alone. Depression, often described as a deep sadness, affects many of us. It is more than just feeling blue during tough times; it can linger for weeks, months, or even years. But with support, healing is possible.

What is Depression? Depression is a persistent sadness that can last for extended periods. Sometimes, we may not even realise we are carrying it, or we may avoid discussing it. But it is crucial to know that like a long night, depression can eventually pass. With the right help, you can begin the journey towards a brighter life.

What Causes Depression? Various factors can trigger depression, such as:

  • Difficult life events like the loss of a loved one or unemployment.
  • Prolonged struggles like financial difficulties or troubled relationships.
  • Family history of depression, which may increase the likelihood of experiencing it.
  • Personal differences, as some individuals may be more prone to depression.
  • Substance abuse, which can both cause and exacerbate depression.

Recognising Depression in Our Family and Community: Signs and symptoms may include:

  • Persistent feelings of sadness or emptiness.
  • Loss of interest in activities once enjoyed.
  • Fatigue, lack of energy, or motivation.
  • Irritability or outbursts of anger.
  • Increased alcohol or drug use.
  • Changes in appetite or weight.
  • Sleep disturbances.
  • Feelings of worthlessness or guilt.
  • Restlessness or slowed movements.
  • Difficulty concentrating or making decisions.
  • Thoughts of death or suicide.

While occasional feelings of sadness are normal, depression involves prolonged and debilitating symptoms that interfere with daily life.

Reaching Out for Help: If you or someone you know is struggling, do not hesitate to seek support:

  • Talk to someone you trust, whether it is a friend, family member, counsellor, coach, or spiritual/religious leader.
  • Consult a healthcare professional who can assess your situation and provide appropriate guidance.
  • Consider treatment options such as therapy, medication, community support programs, or lifestyle changes. CBT -Cognitive Behavioural Therapy
  • Prioritise self-care by engaging in activities that promote well-being, such as exercise, healthy eating, and relaxation and getting around good role models.

Remember, if you are in crisis or having thoughts of self-harm, reach out for immediate help. You are not alone, and support is available.

Together, we can overcome the shadow of depression and walk towards the light.

What can Anxiety look like?

Understanding Anxiety

Anxiety can be triggered by a multitude of concerns, spanning from personal relationships to various environments like home, school, or work. It is a common experience, affecting individuals across different communities. This condition manifests differently for everyone.

Anxiety can manifest in various ways:

  • Feeling nervous, restless, or tense
  • Sensing impending danger or panic
  • Increased heart rate
  • Rapid breathing (hyperventilation)
  • Sweating
  • Trembling
  • Fatigue or weakness
  • Difficulty concentrating or focusing on anything other than worries
  • Sleep disturbances
  • Gastrointestinal problems
  • Difficulty controlling worry
  • Avoidance of triggers for anxiety
  • Perceived trouble swallowing and tight lumpy throat

Recognising these symptoms is crucial, and it is important to acknowledge and address anxiety. By understanding the factors that contribute to anxiety and utilising appropriate coping mechanisms, we can work towards alleviating its impact on our well-being.

A life of peace should be the goal QOL matters

I cannot manage myself!

In the fabric of Western culture, the threads of drinking and drug use are intricately woven, creating a tapestry of societal norms and individual behaviours. However, it’s time we unravel the distinctions we make between these substances and confront the reality that both are forms of drugs with their own implications.

Alcohol, often treated as a socially acceptable indulgence, is just one variant in the spectrum of drugs. Yet, why do we separate it from other substances like cocaine or LSD in our conversations? Perhaps it’s because alcohol carries a veneer of acceptance, associated with affluence, maturity, romance and relaxation. But let’s not be fooled: whether it’s a glass of wine or a line of cocaine, they all alter our perceptions and behaviours.

As a society blessed with abundance and freedom, it’s perplexing that we find ourselves trapped in cycles of self-destructive behaviour, passing these patterns from one generation to the next. We begin with the rite of passage at 18, legally allowed to drink, and from there, it’s a journey of choices, often influenced by societal norms and personal inclinations.

Some can have a single drink and be satisfied, while others find themselves spiralling into excessive consumption, sometimes combining alcohol with other drugs. We’ve cloaked these behaviours in terms like “recreational drugs” and “social drinking,” but the consequences remain the same.

The allure of escapism seems to be a common thread, whether it’s the teenager succumbing to peer pressure or the high-powered professional seeking relief from stress and responsibility. Yet, beneath this desire to escape lies a complex web of factors: low confidence, self-esteem, coping mechanisms, and the eternal quest for belonging and purpose.

But let’s not attribute this solely to individual traits or societal pressures. The interplay of wealth, upbringing, and learned behaviours cannot be overlooked. Do those in affluent circles have better coping mechanisms, or are they simply more adept at masking their struggles? And how much do our parents’ behaviours shape our own attitudes towards drugs and alcohol?

Across generations, we find ourselves repeating the same patterns, mistakes often seeking blame externally, whether it’s directed at the government or societal norms. Yet, as the saying goes, repeating the same actions and expecting different results is the epitome of insanity.

Is it time to confront the reality that our excuses for indulging in substances are merely masks for deeper issues? Whether it’s the need to relax, blow off steam, or fit into social circles, these justifications only serve to perpetuate the cycle of dependency and harm.

When do you acknowledge that perhaps you cannot manage yourself?

If a person is incapable of managing themselves, would it be fair to assume they should not be put in a position to manage others, whether it be in business or in a family?

But change is possible. If we plant different roots—rooted in self-discipline, self-awareness, and compassion—we can harvest a different future. It won’t be easy, and it will require consistent effort, but the rewards are immeasurable.

So, let’s be kind to ourselves and each other as we navigate this journey called life. We may not have all the answers, but by challenging ingrained behaviours and societal norms, we can pave the way for a healthier, more fulfilling existence. After all, life is a long burn, and it’s up to us to decide how brightly we shine and how our actions impact those around us.

If you are struggling to manage yourself and you are finding that you are consistently hurting you and those around you please reach out for help.

Please have a listen to the experts and make a good decision for you and your family.

I’m a fan of Huberman & Dr Amen   “Alcohol Is Worse For You Than You Think” – Andrew Huberman (

The Ugly Truth About Alcohol’s Effect On Your Brain. | Dr Daniel Amen (

Am I in an abusive relationship?

Mental health problems may have crept up on you and you may not have recognised the root of the problem!

Do you feel like you have lost yourself in your relationship?

Are you constantly questioning yourself and suffer low self-esteem?

When approaching day to day tasks are you second guessing yourself?

Are you lacking confidence?

Is fear or walking on egg shells a part of your day in your home environment?

Do you become anxious thinking about your partner returning home?

Has your partner’s behaviours negatively changed who you are and you now find yourself living life against your own values?

Gaslighting, is an abusive practice, instils distrust or even a belief in mental illness in its victims. The enduring ramifications of gaslighting encompass anxiety, depression, trauma, and diminished self-esteem.

Though some forms of abuse, like physical harm, are conspicuous, emotional abuse often hides in plain sight, eluding easy recognition. While apparent to outsiders, signs of emotional abuse may elude those ensnared within it.

Emotional and mental abuse manifests through controlling, isolating, or terrorising behaviours. This abuse encompasses statements, threats, or actions, often exhibiting a consistent pattern

Recognising these signs and contexts where emotional abuse thrives is pivotal in aiding victims in identifying their plight and seeking necessary assistance.

Control, a salient red flag in relationships, manifests through various behaviours such as issuing demands or orders, monitoring whereabouts, or exercising financial dominance.

Abusive individuals often employ tactics of shame induction, employing lectures, outbursts, lies, walkouts, and trivialising behaviours.

Blame, typically stemming from the abuser’s insecurities, manifests in jealousy, victim-playing, and instigation tactics.

Humiliation tactics include name-calling, sarcasm, harmful nicknames, public displays, patronising behaviour, insults on appearance, and infidelity.

Unpredictable behaviours serve to maintain control, ranging from mood swings to gaslighting tactics.

Isolation, another hallmark of abusive behaviour, includes forbidding social interactions, hiding belongings, or monopolising free time.

Coercive control, encompassing behaviours that instil fear, hurt, or restrict freedom, can manifest in various forms including physical violence, threats, insults, swearing, isolation, activity monitoring, financial control, sexual coercion, and autonomy removal.

Recognising signs of coercive control, such as assault, threats, humiliation, isolation, activity monitoring, financial control, sexual coercion, and autonomy removal, is crucial in offering support to victims.

Victims of coercive control should be empowered to seek help and resources, understanding that abuse is never acceptable in any relationship.

In a healthy relationship, both partners strive to uplift and support each other, aiding in personal growth and fulfillment. However, if the dynamics within your relationship are causing you distress, eroding your self-worth, or diminishing your sense of empowerment, it is essential to pause and reflect: “Am I in an abusive relationship?”

Seeking couples’ therapy

You never have to stay in a situation of abuse. You have the choice to leave or seek support from a therapist. A therapist will support and may recommend a pathway forward by co-ordinating other services.

If you want to salvage the relationship and your partner is committed to improvement, couple’s therapy may offer helpful options. However, couples therapy would only be beneficial after the perpetrator has participated in their own treatment, and the abuse has stopped.

“A person might have grown up in a traumatic and dangerous home,” “They may have seen coercion as an adaptive quality to achieve most of their needs. They, in turn, will use coercion unbeknownst to them. They may not feel it is coercive because it was what was modelled to them and what they always saw.” WE SAY NO MORE EXCUSES, FIX THE BEHAVIOUR… Or you will be responsible for generational trauma in your family, well beyond your years.

Navigating the Course of Anxiety is a Journey

avigating the complex terrain of anxiety is a crucial aspect of our quest for mental wellness. Understanding this condition and acquiring effective strategies to manage it can significantly enhance our well-being. Here, I offer some valuable insights and techniques to aid you on this journey.

Anxiety, characterised by its fluctuating intensity, can often present challenges in daily life. Recognising its natural ebb and flow empowers individuals to better manage their symptoms. Identifying triggers, whether they stem from external stressors or internal negative thoughts, is pivotal in preparing for and navigating anxiety-provoking situations.

Cognitive-behavioural techniques, such as cognitive restructuring and exposure therapy, provide effective tools for challenging irrational thoughts and gradually confronting feared situations. Additionally, lifestyle modifications play a significant role in anxiety management. Prioritising regular exercise, sufficient sleep, balanced nutrition, and stress-relieving activities like mindfulness or meditation fosters overall well-being.

While medication may not always be necessary, it can be beneficial for severe or debilitating anxiety. Collaboration with a psychiatrist is essential to explore medication options and determine the most suitable treatment approach. Seeking professional support from mental health professionals, whether through therapy with a counsellor or consultation with a psychiatrist, can provide valuable guidance and support on the journey to recovery.

In addition to seeking professional assistance, there are several self-help strategies that individuals can implement to manage their anxiety effectively. These include practicing deep breathing and relaxation techniques, incorporating mindfulness and meditation into daily routines, and identifying triggers to develop coping strategies. It’s also crucial to challenge negative thoughts and set realistic goals to boost confidence and reduce feelings of overwhelm.

Maintaining a balanced lifestyle, seeking support from friends and family, and practicing self-compassion are essential components of anxiety management. Creating a relaxation routine, engaging in pleasurable activities, and focusing on the present moment can also help reduce stress and promote well-being.

Remember, managing anxiety is a journey, and it’s perfectly okay to seek professional help if you’re struggling to cope on your own. A therapist can provide personalized strategies and support to help you navigate through difficult times. By understanding anxiety and implementing effective techniques, you can cultivate resilience and reclaim control over your life.

Remember: that, that we resist, will persist…

Breaking ADHD Myths and Coping Strategies for Parents

Throughout my years of practice, I’ve supported numerous teenagers grappling with ADHD through Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). The cognitive burden for adolescents coping with ADHD can be profoundly overwhelming, and the repercussions on their education can extend far into their adult lives.

There is an abundance of pseudoscience, skepticism, and misinformation circulating in the realm of ADHD. Additionally, there are instances of misdiagnoses. Surprisingly, children can exhibit symptoms strikingly similar to ADHD when residing in environments characterised by toxicity, hostility, aggression, or punitive punishment behaviours.

In such circumstances, children may be diagnosed with anxiety disorders due to the lack of security, emotional safety, instability, exposure to yelling, swearing, alcohol abuse, or mental and physical mistreatment. As a result, a child might display restlessness, distractibility, difficulty following directions, forgetfulness, anger, trouble sleeping or depression.

I want to set the record straight for many children with ADHD it’s a super power when they have the right support.

Caution: Mums and Dads should not diagnose their child based on Dr Google a school report or a teachers feedback. A full diagnostic process is recommended with a professional ADHD Diagnostic Practitioner- Eg; Children under 14yrs may see a pediatrician 1st – More Information is available here:

📣 Breaking ADHD Myths and Coping Strategies for Parents

🧠 Debunking Common Myths: Dr. Tracey Marks, a renowned psychiatrist specialising in ADHD, sheds light on prevalent misconceptions surrounding the disorder:

  1. ADHD is just a phase: ADHD is a lifelong condition that can persist into adulthood.
  2. ADHD only affects hyperactive children: ADHD manifests in various ways, including inattention and impulsivity.
  3. ADHD is caused by bad parenting or too much sugar: It’s a neurobiological condition with genetic and environmental factors.
  4. People with ADHD are lazy or unintelligent: ADHD affects executive function and attention regulation, not intelligence.
  5. Medication is the only treatment option: Therapy, behavioural interventions, and lifestyle modifications are crucial.

By dispelling these myths, Dr. Marks aims to increase understanding and improve the lives of individuals with ADHD.

👦👧 Coping Strategies for Children with ADHD:

  1. Establish routines: Consistency and structure aid in managing time and activities effectively.
  2. Break tasks into smaller steps: Reduces overwhelm and frustration.
  3. Use visual aids: Charts and schedules help with organization and task management.
  4. Provide clear instructions: Specific guidance helps children stay on task.
  5. Encourage movement breaks: Physical activity improves focus and releases energy.
  6. Teach self-monitoring skills: Recognise behaviour patterns and progress towards goals.
  7. Provide positive reinforcement: Motivate children to continue using coping strategies.
  8. Foster a supportive environment: Create an emotionally safe space for expression and encourage open communication.

    Tip: Punitive parenting full of fear will only make a child anxious

Implementing these coping strategies empowers parents to help children with ADHD manage their symptoms effectively and thrive in various aspects of their lives.

Together, let’s break the stigma and support children with ADHD to reach their full potential! It’s a super power for many🌟

What are some of the Traits a Brave Courageous man would demonstrate?

What are the traits of a brave courageous man? Here are some common traits of a brave and courageous man across various aspects of life:

1.     Fatherhood:

  • Nurturing: He actively participates in the upbringing of his children, providing them with love, guidance, and support.
  • Protector: He prioritises the safety and well-being of his children, ensuring they feel secure and loved.
  • Role model: He sets a positive example for his children through his actions, integrity, and values.
  • Communicative: He maintains open and honest communication with his children, fostering trust and understanding.
  • Patient: He demonstrates patience and understanding, even in challenging situations, guiding his children with empathy and compassion.

2.     Husband/Boyfriend:

  • Respectful: He treats his partner with respect, valuing her opinions, feelings, and autonomy.
  • Supportive: He stands by his partner through thick and thin, offering emotional support and encouragement.
  • Communicative: He communicates openly and effectively with his partner, addressing issues and resolving conflicts constructively.
  • Loving: He expresses affection and appreciation for his partner, showing her that she is cherished and valued.
  • Equal partnership: He views his relationship as a partnership, sharing responsibilities and making decisions together.
  • Masculinity: He is strong and brave he will never use his masculinity to create fear in is partner.
  • Vulnerability: He shows his softer side sharing his feelings and seeking help, speaking up when life seems overwhelming.

3.     Professional Life:

  • Dedicated: He is committed to his work and strives for excellence in all his endeavours.
  • Courageous: He takes educated risks when necessary, stepping out of his comfort zone to achieve his goals and pursue opportunities for growth.
  • Integrity: He conducts himself with honesty, ethics, and professionalism, earning the trust and respect of his colleagues.
  • Leadership: He leads by example, inspiring and motivating others through his actions and vision.
  • Resilient: He adapts to challenges and setbacks, learning from failures and using them as opportunities for personal and professional development.

4.     Treatment of Women:

  • Equality: He treats women as equals, recognising and respecting their rights, capabilities, and contributions.
  • Empathy: He empathises with the experiences and perspectives of women, showing compassion and understanding.
  • Supportive: He advocates for women’s rights and empowerment, actively working to dismantle gender stereotypes and inequalities.
  • Consent: He respects women’s boundaries and autonomy, seeking consent in all interactions and relationships.
  • Sexualising: He would use self-management and not waste time scrolling porn sites. He is insightful and acknowledges the disrespect toward women. He knows this activity can be viewed as predatory and cheating.

5.     Anger/Emotion Management:

  • Self-awareness: He is aware of his emotions and triggers, taking proactive steps to manage them effectively.
  • Control: He exercises self-control and restraint, avoiding impulsive reactions and responding to situations calmly and rationally. He learns how to self-manage without using alcohol or substances to self-medicate and push down undealt with feelings and experiences. They seek help before their trauma’s bleed over their loved ones creating generational trauma.
  • Healthy outlets: He channels his emotions into constructive activities such as exercise, meditation, creative pursuits or counselling.
  • Seeking help: He is not afraid to seek support from loved ones or professionals if he struggles with managing his anger or emotions.

6.     Alcohol and Drugs:

  • Moderation: He practices moderation and responsible consumption when it comes to alcohol, avoiding excessive drinking. He knows a drunk man demonstrates an unmanaged unpredictable man.
  • Abstinence: He refrains from using drugs or substances that may impair his judgment, health or hinder his responsibilities as a man, husband or father.
  • Awareness: He educates himself about the risks and consequences of substance abuse, making informed decisions to prioritise his well-being and that of his loved ones.

7.     Money Management:

  • Financial responsibility: He manages his finances wisely, budgeting and saving for the future while living within his means.
  • Planning: He sets financial goals and develops strategies to achieve them, whether it’s saving for retirement, buying a home, or funding his children’s education.
  • Transparency: He communicates openly with his family about financial matters, involving them in decision-making and teaching them about money management.
  • Generosity: He is generous with his resources, but also mindful of balancing generosity with fiscal prudence and long-term financial stability.