Trauma and Stress are among the primary underlying causes of Anger, Addiction and Alcoholism

Unresolved emotional pain and trauma are often at the root of addiction and people often use substances such as alcohol to self-medicate and numb their pain. Note that alcoholism is not simply a matter of willpower or a lack of self-control, but rather a complex interplay of genetic, environmental, and psychological factors.

Unresolved anger can also be a factor in addiction and alcoholism. Anger can arise from unmet emotional needs, such as the need for love, respect, or validation. When these needs are not met, people may turn to substances such as alcohol to ease their emotional pain and dampen their anger.

Alcoholism, anger, and trauma are interrelated, treating addiction requires a holistic approach that addresses the underlying emotional pain and trauma.

What is needed: compassion, empathy, and understanding in treating addiction and mental health issues?

Alcoholic parents can have a significant impact on the family and children, both in the short and long term. The effects can range from emotional and psychological to social and behavioural, and can vary depending on the severity of the parent’s alcoholism and the child’s age.

Here are some potential effects of having an alcoholic parent:

1.     Emotional and Psychological Effects: Children of alcoholic parents may experience feelings of fear, guilt, shame, and low self-esteem. They may also suffer from anxiety, depression, and other mental health issues. Children may also feel neglected or abandoned by their parents, leading to feelings of resentment and anger. As you know I have a keen focus on Childhood Trauma in Adults because if left untreated, traumatised adults may not be living their best life or being their best selves for their partner or children.

2.     Behavioural Effects: Children of alcoholic parents may also exhibit behavioural problems such as aggression, withdrawal, and social isolation. They may struggle with school performance, have trouble making friends, and engage in risky behaviours. These children may become troubled teenagers and troubled partners. Children are very good intakes of information however very poor interpreters. Note: Their body’s keep the score of trauma and the body may not feel peaceful. (the slinky effect)

3.     Social Effects: The behaviour of an alcoholic parent can affect the family’s social and economic well-being. Children may be exposed to violence or abuse in the home, which can lead to social stigma and isolation. In addition, the family’s financial resources may be depleted due to the cost of alcohol or treatment for the parent.

4.     Long-Term Effects: Children of alcoholic parents may be at a higher risk of developing alcoholism or other substance abuse problems themselves later in life. They may also struggle with trust issues, intimacy, and relationships.

It is important to note that not all children of alcoholic parents will experience all of these effects, and some may be more resilient than others. However, it is important for parents, caregivers, and mental health professionals to be aware of the potential impact of alcoholism on children and to provide support and resources to help them cope with the challenges they may face.

Note: One of the biggest challenges Counsellors are facing in the 21st century: The behaviours of the Adults with Alcohol Spectrum Disorder or raised by an alcoholic in a home of fight or flight;

What are the symptoms of FASD? Children

  • Slow fetal growth and low birth weight.
  • Alcohol withdrawal symptoms in newborns (such as high-pitched cry, jitteriness, and seizures)
  • Sleep and sucking problems in infancy.
  • Abnormalities of the face (such as small eyes and thin mouth)
  • Shorter height than other children of the same age.However, many do not have obvious physical abnormalities. Sometimes behaviour is the best indicator coupled with a full patient history.

    What Happens When Children with Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders Become Adults? – PMC (

  • Adults with FASD:
  • Adults with FASDs have a high rates of psychiatric and personality disorders, problems with drugs and alcohol, and difficulties with the law. They are also less likely to obtain a degree, have stable employment, and live independently.

Overcoming addiction is based on the understanding that addiction is not just a physical problem but also a psychological, social, and spiritual one. In order to heal from addiction, it is important to address the underlying emotional pain and trauma that often lead to addictive behaviours.

Here is a few tips for overcoming addiction

1.     Understanding the root causes of addiction: Addiction is often a response to trauma and emotional pain. Therefore, understanding the underlying reasons for addictive behaviour is crucial to healing.

2.     Building healthy relationships: The importance of healthy relationships in addiction recovery. I believe that having supportive, non-judgmental relationships can help people heal from emotional pain and trauma.

3.     Developing self-awareness and mindfulness: Developing self-awareness and mindfulness can help people recognise their triggers for addictive behaviour and learn new ways of coping.

4.     Practicing self-compassion: I encourage people to be kind and compassionate to themselves as they navigate the challenges of addiction recovery. Self-compassion can help people build resilience and overcome setbacks.

5.     Seeking professional support: Seek professional support from addiction specialists, therapists, and other mental health professionals who can provide guidance and support in addiction recovery is crucial.

Overall, I emphasise the importance of treating addiction holistically, by addressing the emotional, social, and spiritual aspects of the problem. With the right support, many people can heal from addiction and build fulfilling, healthy lives.

What is waiting for you on the other side?

Overcoming addiction can have a positive impact on all aspects of your life, including your physical health, mental health, relationships, and overall well-being. Here are some examples of what your life could look like if you successfully overcome addiction:

1.     Improved physical health: Overcoming addiction can have a positive impact on your physical health. You may have more energy, feel better physically, and have a stronger immune system. You may also experience fewer health problems related to substance abuse, such as liver damage or heart disease.

2.     Better mental health: Addiction can take a toll on your mental health, leading to anxiety, depression, and other mental health issues. Overcoming addiction can improve your mental health and well-being, leading to greater happiness and a more positive outlook on life.

3.     Improved relationships: Addiction can strain relationships with friends, family, and loved ones. Overcoming addiction can help repair these relationships and build stronger, healthier connections with the people around you.

4.     Greater sense of purpose: Overcoming addiction can help you find a greater sense of purpose and meaning in life. You may feel more motivated to pursue your goals and passions and to contribute to the world around you.

5.     Financial stability: Addiction can be expensive and can take a toll on your finances. Overcoming addiction can help you save money and build financial stability.

Overall, overcoming addiction can have a transformative effect on your life, helping you to build a healthier, happier, and more fulfilling future.

Peace and Happiness 🙂

What are the most common additions plaguing our families in the 21st Century?

There are many different types of addictions that people seek help for. Here are some of the most common addictions:

1.    Substance abuse: Substance abuse is one of the most common addictions that people seek help for. This includes addictions to drugs such as opioids, methamphetamine, cocaine, and alcohol. Alcohol is one of the number 1 contributors to marriage breakdown, domestic violence, road toll deaths and child abuse.

2.    Gambling addiction: Gambling addiction is another common addiction that people seek help for. This includes an uncontrollable urge to gamble, which can lead to financial problems, relationship breakdowns and other negative consequences.

3.    Internet and technology addiction: With the rise of technology and social media, internet and technology addiction has become more common. This includes an excessive use of the internet, social media, and other technology that can interfere with daily life.

4.    Sex addiction: Sex addiction involves an uncontrollable urge to engage in sexual behaviours, which can lead to negative consequences such as relationship problems, financial problems, and legal issues. Porn use is the number 1 sex addition today! Over time it stops couples from connecting, bonding being intimate and eventually not having sex together. If left untreated porn addition can lead to erectile dysfunction.

5.    Food addiction: Food addiction is characterised by an uncontrollable urge to eat, often leading to overeating, weight gain, low self-esteem and anger.

6.    Shopping addiction: Shopping addiction involves an uncontrollable urge to shop and spend money, often leading to financial problems and other negative consequences.

It is important to note that addiction can manifest in many different ways, and that there are other types of addictions that people may seek help for as well.

2008 Was Not Just About The Financial Crisis

Business Landscape: Navigating the Terrain of Internet Exposure

In the ever-evolving digital era, the landscape of business has been reshaped by a confluence of factors. Notably, the year 2008 not only marked the onset of a financial crisis but also served as a pivotal year for the burgeoning realm of social media. This digital revolution has propelled businesses into a realm of heightened exposure, demanding a re-evaluation of strategies regarding brand management and online presence.

The burgeoning popularity of employee review platforms underscores the imperative for all employers, especially Small and Medium Enterprises (SMEs). Family businesses often do not have the knowledge to proactively address their digital footprint as their operations expand. Engaging a Business Coach can help you to close the gaps in your business.

Brochure and Testimonials 

Recent years have witnessed a profound shift in power dynamics within workplaces. The emergence of the internet and social media has catalysed a culture of transparency, compelling organisations to reckon with newfound scrutiny. Platforms like and empower both current and former employees to voice candid assessments of their employers. This phenomenon poses significant challenges for businesses, as feedback, often anonymous, remains beyond the realm of employer control. Research indicates that a substantial majority of job-seekers evaluate an employer’s brand before applying for a position, with a significant portion relying on social media platforms for further insights.

A recent engagement with a Sydney-based business exemplifies the urgency of addressing workplace culture and turnover rates. In Australia, the average turnover rate hovers around fifteen percent, with a notable spike to over twenty-three percent within twelve months. This particular company grappled with a turnover rate exceeding thirty percent, exacerbating their struggle to attract and retain top-tier talent, a cornerstone of sustainable growth.

A diagnostic ‘brand’ scan revealed a trove of negative feedback on platforms like, unbeknown to the management team. Employees and former staff had been voicing grievances regarding both managerial conduct and workplace culture, underscoring the disconnect between perception and reality for the executive leadership.

Many businesses, particularly SMEs, remain oblivious to the influence wielded by these feedback platforms, to their detriment. Damage to brand reputation unfolds surreptitiously, impeding the recruitment of high-caliber candidates and perpetuating a cycle of negative reviews.

Beyond monetary incentives, businesses must prioritise holistic approaches encompassing management practices, employee support, training, and retention strategies. Cultivating a workplace culture conducive to positive employee testimonials necessitates concerted efforts to foster genuine engagement and open communication channels.

Navigating online criticism demands a delicate balance of responsiveness and humility. Executives must demonstrate a genuine commitment to improvement while leveraging internal platforms such as intranets to pre-emptively address concerns and foster a culture of transparency.

Encouraging current employees to share their experiences on review sites not only fosters trust but also enhances internal cohesion. However, vigilance is paramount, as mining these platforms for actionable insights remains essential for continuous improvement.

In conclusion, businesses must expand their purview beyond customer-centric reviews and acknowledge the significance of employee feedback platforms. Embracing this multifaceted approach is indispensable for safeguarding brand reputation and fostering a workplace culture conducive to sustained success in the digital age.

Are You Limited To Being Happy Only if Certain Things Happen?

Where did you come up with what happiness is for you? Are you limiting your own ability to be happy?

You have had experiences in your life that vary from slightly uncomfortable to traumatic, are you banking these experiences? If you are for what purpose do they serve you?

Are you feeling adrift in the currents of life, uncertain of where you are headed or how to find genuine happiness? If you are struggling with loss, grief, career ambiguity, loneliness, or marital unhappiness, there is a journey worth exploring—one that might offer the guidance and solace you seek. Picture a path that leads you away from the weight of fears, doubts, and attachments that hold you back from experiencing the joy and fulfillment you long for. It is a journey rooted in the profound notion of surrendering to happiness.

At its essence, surrendering to happiness is about embracing life’s ebbs and flows, accepting the present moment, and discovering inner peace regardless of external chaos. It is a departure from the exhausting pursuit of control, inviting you to release the grip of the ego and open yourself to the guidance of a deeper wisdom, a universal force that gently nudges you in the right direction.

What might you find along this transformative journey? Imagine cultivating mindfulness, learning to be fully present in each moment without judgment or distraction. Envision the liberation of letting go—shedding the burdens of expectations, desires, and outcomes, and relinquishing control over situations beyond your influence.

But perhaps most importantly, this journey leads you to the heart of inner freedom, where you come to realize that true happiness is not something external to be chased but an intrinsic part of your being. It is about embracing acceptance, recognizing life’s complexities, with its highs and lows, and understanding that resistance only prolongs suffering.

In this space of surrender, there’s room for trust—a deep faith in the inherent goodness of the universe, even amidst the darkest of times. And as you navigate this path, you will find yourself guided by the wisdom of those who have traversed it before, offering insights and support to help you integrate these principles into your daily life. So, if you have been feeling lost, if the heaviness of life weighs you down, consider taking a step into the unknown. Surrender to happiness beckons, offering a chance to break free from the patterns of the mind that keep you trapped and discover a profound sense of peace, contentment, and joy that has been within reach all along.

We are finite beings living in an infinite world, knowing this we all struggle with our purpose, the meaning of life and where do we belong. We live in a world where we have no control yet we live most of our lives attempting to control our destiny. It is my belief we are here to learn and along the way we learn from our experiences and the experiences of others who are on our path along the way. We are not here to worry about the past or the future, the past has gone and future is not yet here. Being mindful is about asking questions to yourself, you may like to start here- Who am I being? What am I doing? What do I really want? What do I stand for? What is my purpose? What is happiness for me? Does my body feel peaceful? What am I the sum of? What do I need to let go of? I think you may be getting the idea; it is not about the external we should be reaching for but the internal, it is more about the you.

As long as you keep reliving past experiences and as long as you resist learning new ways of thinking and being shackled to your limited self belief, you will never experience true happiness and live an abundant life. Happiness starts within and it may take a little help from time to time to challenge you on your learned thoughts and behaviours.

Punitive parenting does not work, it makes angry men and anxious women

Dr. Shefali Tsabary is a clinical psychologist and author known for her revolutionary approach to parenting. Her philosophy, often referred to as “conscious parenting,” emphasises the importance of self-awareness and mindfulness in raising children. Some key takeaways from Dr. Shefali’s parenting theory include:

1.    Mindfulness and Consciousness: Dr. Shefali emphasises the importance of parents being mindful and conscious in their interactions with their children. This involves being fully present in the moment and aware of one’s own thoughts, emotions, and reactions.

2.    Connection over Control: Rather than trying to control their children’s behaviour, Dr. Shefali encourages parents to focus on building a strong emotional connection with them. This connection forms the basis for healthy communication and mutual understanding.

3.    Empowering Children: Dr. Shefali believes in empowering children to express themselves authentically and make their own choices whenever appropriate. This approach fosters independence, self-confidence, and a sense of responsibility in children.

4.    Understanding Emotions: Instead of dismissing or suppressing their children’s emotions, Dr. Shefali encourages parents to validate and understand them. By acknowledging and accepting their children’s feelings, parents can help them develop emotional intelligence and resilience.

5.    Parental Self-Reflection: Dr. Shefali emphasises the importance of parents engaging in self-reflection and personal growth. This involves examining one’s own upbringing, beliefs, and patterns of behaviour that may impact their parenting style.

6.    Letting Go of Expectations: Dr. Shefali encourages parents to let go of rigid expectations and ideals about parenting and instead embrace the uniqueness of their children. This allows for greater acceptance, flexibility, and adaptability in the parent-child relationship.

7.    Presence over Perfection: Dr. Shefali emphasises the importance of being a “present” parent rather than striving for perfection. This means accepting imperfections, learning from mistakes, and prioritising the quality of the parent-child bond over external measures of success.

Healing the Inner Child: Dr. Shefali emphasises the importance of addressing one’s own unresolved issues and traumas before becoming a parent, or as soon as possible afterward. She believes that by healing the inner child within ourselves, we can break the cycle of repeating past mistakes and patterns in our parenting. This process of self-healing enables parents to approach their role with greater empathy, understanding, and emotional maturity, leading to healthier relationships with their children. Punitive measures should never be a parenting style, as this demonstrates a lack of awareness of self and a need for healing the inner child of the parent.

Overall, Dr. Shefali’s parenting theory advocates for a mindful, compassionate, and empowering approach to raising children, with an emphasis on self-awareness, connection, and personal growth for both parents and children. Punitive measures should never be a parenting style, this demonstrates a lack of awareness of self and a need for healing the inner child of the parent.

Navigating Sexual Boundaries in Marriage: Understanding Consent and Recognising Abuse

In recent times, I’ve had an increasing number of conversations with women who are grappling with sexual abuse within their marriages. Many express feeling pressured into sexual acts they are uncomfortable with, a situation that should never be tolerated within a loving partnership.

Stories range from being woken up in the dead of night by a partner’s unwanted persistent advances to enduring public groping or inappropriate touching of personal body parts. Each tale underscores a critical point: in any relationship, the word “NO” must be respected unequivocally.

Marriage does not grant license to exploit a partner’s body for one’s own gratification. Yet, with the rise of pornography consumption among men, women are often coerced into performing acts they find distressing. Some comply out of fear of losing their spouse or disrupting their family unit.

The blurred lines between romantic intimacy and selfish sexual indulgence are alarming. If sexual activity occurs without consent, it constitutes sexual assault—a fact that cannot be overlooked.

Sexual violence within intimate partnerships, whether marriage or dating, is regrettably common. It serves as a tool of control and abuse, perpetuating cycles of domestic or familial violence. Unwanted kissing or touching, aggressive sexual behaviour, and reproductive coercion are just a few examples of such abuse.

The term “sexual misconduct” encompasses a spectrum of behaviours, including harassment, non-consensual contact, penetration, and exploitation. At the heart of this issue lies the fundamental concept of consent.

Consent is not a one-time transaction; it must be sought and given for each sexual encounter. It should be enthusiastic, voluntary, and free from coercion. Mere submission does not equate to consent, nor does past agreement imply ongoing permission.

The repercussions of sexual violence in a relationship are profound. Survivors often grapple with fear, shame, anxiety, and self-blame. They may experience sexual dysfunction, insomnia, or stress-related symptoms, compounding their emotional turmoil.

Moreover, survivors face additional hurdles, such as fear of retaliation, financial dependence, and concerns for the safety of loved ones (in particular their children). These barriers can hinder disclosure and recognition of the abuse as criminal behaviour.

Despite the challenges, speaking out about sexual violence is crucial. It validates survivors’ experiences and underscores the seriousness of the issue. By fostering open dialogue and promoting mutual respect, couples can cultivate healthier, more equitable relationships.

In conclusion, within the sanctity of marriage, consent is non-negotiable, and abuse in any form must be addressed. Let us strive to create partnerships built on trust, communication, and mutual respect, where every individual’s bodily autonomy is honoured and upheld.

Signs of sexual frustration:

Signs You’re Sexually Frustrated & 10 Ways to Cope (

I want Identity, Belonging, Sex, Eroticism, Safety and Mystery in my relationship

In the journey of love and companionship, we often find ourselves pondering questions that lead us to deeper understanding and growth. Why does the passion in our relationship sometimes wane, even when love remains strong? Why do we seek fulfillment in ways that may not align with our deepest desires?

It’s essential to acknowledge that good sex doesn’t always guarantee intimacy, and vice versa. We may find ourselves yearning for the forbidden, yet struggling to connect with what’s right in front of us. These complexities can lead to challenges in maintaining desire and connection over time.

In today’s fast-paced world, where roles are evolving and expectations are shifting, it’s natural to feel overwhelmed. Women are speaking up about their needs, while men navigate the delicate balance of vulnerability and masculinity. This shift can sometimes leave us feeling adrift, struggling to find our place within our relationships.

As we strive for identity, belonging, and passion in our relationships, it’s crucial to recognize the importance of communication and understanding. Successful long-term relationships are built on mutual respect, open dialogue, and a commitment to growth. Yet, we may find ourselves facing obstacles that hinder our ability to connect deeply with our partners.

But what do we want? We are saying “Give me Identity, Belonging, Sex, Eroticism, Safety and Mystery” BUT there is no road map, and we are not communicating well. We as men and women have a strong need for security and adventure in the one relationship. We want novelty, mystery and adventure with our partner, we want passion.

If you’re experiencing challenges in your relationship, know that you’re not alone. Seeking support through couples counselling can provide valuable insights and strategies for overcoming these obstacles. It’s an opportunity to explore the dynamics of your relationship in a safe and supportive environment, guided by a trained professional.

Remember, relationships take work, patience, and dedication. By investing in your relationship and prioritising open communication and connection, you can navigate the ups and downs of love with strength and resilience.

If you’re ready to take the next step toward a more fulfilling relationship, couples counselling can offer the guidance and support you need to climb those stairs with strength and momentum.

After all, we’re all just making our way through life, and seeking help when needed is a sign of strength, not weakness.

The sexual exploitation of women and children starts with pornography according to the WYA

The world youth alliance says child abuse starts with the use of porn!

Users become abusers When users become abusers – World Youth Alliance (

Experiencing cravings to view porn. Much like substance users report feeling strong urges to use drugs, porn addicts can experience strong urges to view porn. Becoming angry, hostile, or irritable when asked to stop using porn. Porn addicts may deny their porn viewing or be upset when loved one’s request that they stop. Users become deceitful and sneaky in their behaviours and make excuses, justifying their behaviour with statements like “what man doesn’t watch porn?” As counsellor and a therapist, I can answer that question “many men do not watch porn” a lot of men after getting married or settling down into a long-term relationship, perhaps having children, stop some of the poor behaviours they were introduced to as a teen by other males for example; drinking to excess, gambling, partying, and not looking after themselves to name just a few.
In the realm of behavioural addictions, the insidious grip of porn addiction often eludes understanding and perpetuates stigma, making its detection and resolution challenging. While debates persist about its classification, the repercussions extend far beyond individual struggles, impacting relationships and society profoundly. One of the most alarming consequences is the distressing link between porn consumption and the dehumanisation of women, fuelling a disturbing surge in domestic violence.

Porn addiction’s subtle erosion of intimacy and relational dynamics is evident in its capacity to distort perceptions of sexual encounters. As individuals indulge in pornography, they develop unrealistic expectations of intimacy and physical appearance, reducing partners to mere objects of desire. This objectification not only corrodes the foundations of healthy relationships but also fosters a culture rife with violence and exploitation.

Moreover, the escalation of porn addiction frequently intertwines with substance abuse, exacerbating the vicious cycle of harm and impeding recovery efforts. Individuals may resort to drugs or alcohol in pursuit of heightened stimulation, further compromising their mental and emotional well-being and jeopardising societal norms.

Recognising the pervasive impact of porn addiction necessitates addressing its root causes and providing comprehensive support for recovery. Beyond individual counselling, societal awareness and intervention are imperative to counter the normalisation of pornographic content and its detrimental effects on relationships and gender dynamics.

In confronting porn addiction, we confront not only personal struggles but also broader societal issues of gender inequality and violence against women. By fostering open dialogue, promoting empathy, and advocating for healthier portrayals of intimacy and sexuality, we can strive towards creating a safer, more equitable world for all. Let us embrace this conversation with courage and compassion, knowing that our collective efforts can pave the way for positive change and healing across individuals, families, and communities.

The distressing nexus between porn addiction, child abuse, and domestic violence underscores the urgent need for action. In today’s digital age, pornography’s pervasive presence not only infiltrates online platforms but also infiltrates our minds, reshaping perceptions and attitudes towards sexuality and relationships. Research reveals that pornography addiction alters brain activity akin to drug addiction, leading users to view women as objects rather than humans.

Tragically, addiction to porn often desensitises individuals, leading to a desire for increasingly deviant forms of pornography to fulfil their sexual desires. This desensitisation not only distorts reality but also increases the likelihood of users stumbling upon violent or child pornography. Shockingly, over 30% of searches on certain online networks are related to child sexual abuse, highlighting the alarming prevalence of this heinous crime. Men can become predatory, obsessed, and unpredictable. They can become dangerous to the loved one around them, they lose their ability to self-manage.

The normalisation of pornographic content perpetuates a cycle of exploitation and abuse, validating and normalising sexual violence against women and children. Treating women and children as mere objects strips them of their human dignity and violates their inherent rights. It is imperative that we confront the root causes of this exploitation, challenging societal mindsets that justify the abuse of vulnerable individuals.

By fostering awareness, promoting empathy, and advocating for stricter regulations on pornographic content, we can strive towards creating a society that respects the dignity and rights of all individuals, irrespective of gender or age. Let us stand united in our commitment to combatting porn addiction and its devastating consequences, ensuring a safer and more equitable future for generations to come.

On average, children are first exposed to porn at the age of 11, often encountering it in the school playground. However, this trend is shifting, with more instances occurring due to lax parental controls at home. In many cases, children stumble upon pornographic content while using their father’s phone or laptop, often discovering it through the browsing history.

What do I see in marriages, signs of a “porn breakdown”

Breaks Trust Secrecy

Lack of intimacy or interest in their partner

Unrealistic expectations in the bedroom

Decreased self-esteem not feeling good enough.

Not spending time with the family

Irritability and anger



The decision to separate or divorce should not be taken lightly

Approximately half of marriages conclude in divorce. However, the decision to separate remains emotionally challenging, burdened by feelings and responsibilities. While divorce is a valid choice, it necessitates careful contemplation, particularly when considering factors such as salvaging the relationship and navigating the complexities of official separation, especially with shared assets or children involved. When you decide to divorce and you have children, you not only choose to change your life, but you also choose to change your children’s childhood.

As a counsellor and Mediator I have guided numerous individuals through this challenging process, I emphasise the importance of asking essential questions before deciding to split. These questions are designed to foster self-reflection and open communication between partners.

One crucial consideration is the potential salvaging of the relationship. Before involving the partner, individuals are advised to reflect on their current needs and assess whether the relationship has the potential for positive change. Evaluate past problem-solving dynamics and identifying any “danger traits” like constant criticism, contempt, defensiveness, or stonewalling, which may indicate relationship deterioration.

Communication is key when expressing unhappiness and discussing the possibility of change. If both partners decide to work through their issues, individual and couples therapy could be a constructive next step.

Another vital question is whether both partners are on the same page regarding the separation. Recognising that relationship breakdowns are often non-linear processes, it’s important to have clear and decisive communication to ensure mutual understanding and potentially amicable proceedings.

The matter of parenting arrangements comes into focus next. I advise re-framing custody discussions into a focus on being the best parents for the children. Planning should prioritise the quality of time spent with the children rather than quantity, emphasising the children’s well-being in terms of living arrangements, schooling, and transportation.

Addressing housing concerns, it is important to maintain open communication, clear boundaries, and to look for pragmatic solutions. Couples may decide to continue living together temporarily or explore creative housing arrangements, such as rotating in and out of the family home, keeping the children in their family home. This is called “nesting.”

Financial considerations are pivotal, thorough assessment of joint and individual assets, including savings, property, pensions, investments, and businesses etc…. Seeking the advice of financial professionals is encouraged to ensure fair division, especially when children are involved.

Legal aspects of financial arrangements are discussed next, highlighting the option of obtaining a legally binding consent order if both parties agree on financial terms. This can prevent unnecessary legal complications and costs.

Finally, the importance of separating amicably is emphasised. Couples are reminded that legal battles are not the only option, they are long expensive and can be soul destroying. There are alternatives such as counselling, mediation, or collaborative family group counselling can offer less emotionally and financially draining solutions.

Handling the divorce process with dignity and respect for both partners and their wider network of loved ones can contribute to a less painful memory of the experience.

Note: If you do decide to divorce and you have children, you are divorcing your partner not your children. Your relationship did not fail because of your children, but the children may see the marriage break down as their fault. Children may benefit from speaking to a family counsellor.

Executive Coaching…Communication Tips for Leaders

In a competitive market you need to bring your “A” game…Make 2024 your year for professional and person growth…

Enhancing Executive Communication: Navigating Challenges for Optimal Results

Effective communication lies at the heart of prosperous relationships, both personally and professionally. Acknowledging its pivotal role, we delve into the potential pitfalls of poor communication and provide strategic insights for effective resolution in this edition.

The Consequences of Poor Communication:

1.    Misunderstandings: In executive circles, poor communication can lead to misunderstandings that hinder strategic alignment. Unclear messages may result in misinterpretation and confusion among team members or stakeholders.

2.    Conflict and Tension: Within the high-stakes environment of executive leadership, inadequate communication can spark conflict and tension. Miscommunication fosters frustration, resentment, and can disrupt collaborative efforts, impeding overall success.

3.    Reduced Productivity: The consequences of communication breakdown are felt acutely at the executive level. Efficiency diminishes as tasks take longer to complete, projects face delays, and the overall productivity of the leadership team suffers.

4.    Low Morale: Consistent poor communication erodes trust and morale among executive teams. Executives may feel undervalued or unappreciated, leading to diminished job satisfaction and potentially impacting overall team dynamics.

Tips for Resolving Poor Communication:

1.    Active Listening: Encourage executives to embrace active listening as a fundamental skill. Actively engaging in conversations, asking clarifying questions, and confirming understanding are crucial for effective communication at the executive level.

2.    Clear and Concise Messaging: Executive communications must be clear and concise. Eliminating unnecessary jargon and complexity ensures that messages are easily understood, minimising the risk of misinterpretation among top-tier decision-makers.

3.    Choose the Right Communication Channel: Different executive scenarios demand varied communication channels. While email may suffice for formal documentation, crucial discussions or strategic problem-solving may necessitate face-to-face meetings or video conferences.

4.    Regular Check-Ins: Establishing regular check-ins among executive team members fosters an open line of communication. This practice allows leaders to address concerns promptly, ensuring that potential issues are resolved before they escalate.

5.    Constructive Feedback: Cultivate a culture of constructive feedback within the executive team. Executives should feel empowered to provide input on communication processes without fear of reprisal, fostering continuous improvement.

6.    Use Visual Aids: Visual aids, such as charts or diagrams, can enhance understanding in executive discussions. These tools provide a visual reference that complements verbal communication, aiding in conveying complex ideas effectively.

7.    Clarify Expectations: Clearly articulating expectations and responsibilities is paramount at the executive level. Avoiding ambiguity ensures that each executive comprehends their role and contribution to overarching organisational goals.

8.    Conflict Resolution Strategies: Implement effective conflict resolution strategies tailored to the executive context. Addressing conflicts head-on, fostering open dialogue, and exploring mutually beneficial solutions are essential practices for maintaining executive cohesion.

9.    Encourage Two-Way Communication: Create an environment where executives feel comfortable expressing their thoughts and concerns. Promoting two-way communication fosters a healthy exchange of ideas and perspectives among top-level decision-makers.

10. Professional Development: Elevate executive communication skills through targeted professional development. Offering specialised training or workshops equips executives with the resources and tools necessary for effective communication at the highest level.


While the consequences of poor communication are profound, the good news is that, as executives, this is a challenge that can be addressed. By implementing these strategic tips and fostering a culture of effective communication, executive teams can navigate the complexities of human interaction, leading to improved relationships, heightened productivity, and overall success.

Wishing you impactful communication and continued success in your leadership journey.