TBI – Bipolar – Cyclothymic – Mental Health and Family

We are not always told the truth about the risks associated with some of the sporting activities that are so popular. On the back of the news stories out there about AFL/NRL and the serious subject of concussion. I would like to help people understand in particular mood disorder. Which can come about from a head injury. Results: Concussion, Playing Experience, and Long-Term Health – Harvard Football Players Health Study

When the AFL/NFL stories hit the headlines, I thought thank goodness we now have an opportunity to teach parents and children about the potential risks involved when playing high risk sport. Assessing risk is part of life for yourself however as a parent you are assessing the risk for your child.

(3) Traumatic Brain Injury Symptoms – YouTube

Now I am not saying all brain injuries are going to cause a mood disorder. However I am saying if you are struggling it may be worth further enquiry.

A full enquiry/examination is not just a 15 min consult with your GP. A full examination may involve consultation with a Neuropsychologist and a Neurologist.   You may find yourself asking your GP for a referral.

NOTE: There are people out there with mood disorders who have never played a sport.

I see many people with mood disorders in my office, most common Bipolar 2 and Cyclothymic for management though helpful lifestyle & belief therapies such as CBT.

It may surprise you to know Approximately 1 in 50 Australians (1.8%) will experience bipolar disorder during their lifetime. There are three types of bipolar disorder (Bipolar I Disorder, Bipolar II Disorder and Cyclothymic Disorder). All three types involve strong changes in mood, energy, activity levels. Risky behaviour is common when unmanaged. This may involve increased alcohol use, drug use, gambling, and risky sexual behaviour.

(3) Effect of Brain Injury on Personality – YouTube (Neuropsychologist talks about TBI)

NB: After a brain injury, the body’s tolerance to alcohol is greatly reduced, and many survivors find that they are no longer able to enjoy alcohol in the same way as they did before their injury.

Bipolar I and Bipolar II are two different subtypes of bipolar disorder, which is a mental health condition characterised by extreme shifts in mood, energy, and activity levels. Both disorders involve episodes of depression and mania or hypomania, but they differ in terms of the severity and duration of these episodes.

Bipolar I Disorder: To diagnose Bipolar I disorder, mental health professionals typically look for the presence of at least one manic episode. A manic episode is a distinct period of abnormally elevated, expansive, or irritable mood and increased energy or activity. The manic episode must last for at least one week or be severe enough to require immediate hospitalization. Depressive episodes may also occur but are not necessary for the diagnosis of Bipolar I.

Bipolar II Disorder: Bipolar II disorder is diagnosed when an individual experiences at least one major depressive episode and at least one hypomanic episode. Hypomania is a milder form of mania that doesn’t cause severe impairment in daily functioning or require hospitalization. Hypomanic episodes last for at least four consecutive days. In Bipolar II, the depressive episodes tend to be more frequent and longer-lasting compared to the hypomanic episodes.

Differences between Bipolar I and Bipolar II: The main difference between Bipolar I and Bipolar II lies in the severity and duration of the manic or hypomanic episodes. In Bipolar I, full-blown manic episodes are required for diagnosis, whereas in Bipolar II, hypomanic episodes are sufficient. Manic episodes in Bipolar I can be severe and may lead to significant impairment or even psychosis, while hypomanic episodes in Bipolar II are

There is also Cyclothymic disorder, also known as cyclothymia, is a relatively mild mood disorder that falls under the category of bipolar disorders in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition (DSM-5). It is characterised by recurrent fluctuations in mood that alternate between periods of hypomanic symptoms and depressive symptoms. However, the intensity and duration of these mood episodes are less severe compared to full-blown manic or major depressive episodes seen in Bipolar I or Bipolar II disorders.

Here are some key features of cyclothymic disorder:

  • Cyclical mood changes: Individuals with cyclothymic disorder experience numerous periods of hypomanic symptoms and depressive symptoms over at least a two-year period (one year in children and adolescents). These periods are characterized by distinct changes in mood, energy, and activity levels.
  •  Hypomanic symptoms: During hypomanic episodes, individuals may feel an elevated or expansive mood, have increased energy or activity, experience racing thoughts, engage in excessive talking, have inflated self-esteem or grandiosity, and display increased goal-directed behaviour. However, these symptoms are not as severe as in a full manic episode.
  • Depressive symptoms: During depressive episodes, individuals may experience sadness, loss of interest or pleasure in activities, changes in appetite or weight, sleep disturbances, fatigue, feelings of worthlessness or guilt, difficulty concentrating, and thoughts of death or suicide. Again, the intensity and duration of depressive symptoms are less severe than in major depressive episodes.
  • Persistent pattern: The symptoms of cyclothymic disorder persist for a significant portion of the two-year (or one-year) period and do not meet the criteria for a major depressive, manic, or hypomanic episode.

It’s worth noting that cyclothymic disorder can still significantly impact an individual’s life and functioning, and it may progress to a more severe form of bipolar disorder over time in some cases.

If you suspect that you or someone you know may have cyclothymic disorder, it’s important to seek professional evaluation and diagnosis from a qualified mental health professional. They can conduct a thorough assessment and provide appropriate treatment options, which may include therapy and medication. Less severe and often associated with increased productivity or creativity.

(3) What is bipolar spectrum? Will it become bipolar 1 or bipolar 2? – YouTube

It’s important to note that bipolar disorders are complex, and each individual’s experience can vary. A proper diagnosis is typically made by a mental health professional based on a thorough evaluation of symptoms, medical history, and sometimes additional assessments or psychological tests.

If you or someone you know is experiencing symptoms of bipolar disorder or any mental health concerns, it is crucial to seek professional help for an accurate diagnosis and appropriate treatment.

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition (DSM-5), provides the diagnostic criteria and guidelines used by mental health professionals for various mental disorders, including Bipolar II disorder. According to the DSM-5, the diagnostic criteria for Bipolar II disorder include the following:

  •  Presence or history of one or more major depressive episodes.
  • Presence or history of at least one hypomanic episode.
  • The occurrence of the major depressive and hypomanic episodes must not be better explained by other factors, such as substance use or a medical condition.
  •  The symptoms of depression or the change in functioning during the depressive and hypomanic episodes are significant and cause distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.

Additionally, the DSM-5 specifies the following criteria for a hypomanic episode:

a. A distinct period of abnormally and persistently elevated, expansive, or irritable mood lasting at least four consecutive days. b. During the period of mood disturbance, three or more of the following symptoms (four or more if the mood is irritable):

  • Inflated self-esteem or grandiosity
  • Decreased need for sleep
  • Increased talkativeness or pressure to keep talking
  • Flight of ideas or racing thoughts
  • Distractibility
  • Increased goal-directed activity or psychomotor agitation
  • Excessive involvement in pleasurable activities that have a high potential for painful consequences (e.g., excessive buying sprees, sexual indiscretions)

It’s important to note that these are just a summary of the criteria, and a qualified healthcare professional should make the final diagnosis based on a comprehensive evaluation. The DSM-5 provides further details and additional specifiers that can help clinicians in making a more accurate diagnosis of Bipolar II disorder.

There is some evidence to suggest that a concussion or traumatic brain injury (TBI) may increase the risk of developing psychiatric conditions, including mood disorders like Bipolar II disorder. However, the relationship between concussions/TBIs and bipolar disorder is complex and not fully understood.

Research studies have shown an association between TBIs and subsequent mood disturbances, including depressive symptoms, anxiety disorders, and in some cases, bipolar spectrum disorders. Some individuals may experience changes in mood, behaviour, or cognition following a concussion, which could be a result of brain injury-related effects on neurochemical and neurobiological processes.

It’s important to note that not everyone who experiences a concussion will develop Bipolar II disorder or any other psychiatric condition. Other factors such as genetic predisposition, family history, and other environmental factors may also contribute to the development of bipolar disorder. (See ACE’s) Adverse Childhood experiences (3) Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs): Impact on brain, body and behaviour – YouTube

If you or someone you know has experienced a concussion and is exhibiting significant changes in mood or other mental health symptoms, it is advisable to seek professional medical and psychiatric evaluation. A healthcare professional can assess the individual’s symptoms, medical history, and any potential underlying factors to determine the most appropriate diagnosis and treatment approach.

How to Make a Bipolar Relationship Work

It takes effort to keep any relationship strong, but it can be especially challenging when your partner has bipolar disorder.

Go to Couples Counselling

Couples counselling is essential for working through upset over a bipolar partner’s actions. It’s common for someone with bipolar disorder to hurt and offend their partner. When someone is first diagnosed, there are often relationship issues that need to be addressed. Couples counselling can help you:

  • Understand that there’s an illness involved in the hurtful behaviour.
  • Forgive the behaviour that happened during an altered mood state.
  • Set boundaries with a partner about maintaining treatment.

Get Involved with Treatment

Ask if you can be involved with your partner’s treatment, which may include occasionally going to the psychiatrist together. Being a part of your partner’s treatment has multiple benefits, including:

  • Gaining a better understanding of the illness.
  • Providing additional insight for the psychiatrist.
  • Learning to spot signs of impending episodes.
  • Alerting the psychiatrist about mood changes.

Even if your partner hasn’t signed off on you exchanging information with their psychiatrist, you can still report worrisome signs (the doctor just won’t be able to tell you anything). This gives the doctor a chance to make quick medication changes that may help your partner avoid being hospitalised.

Practice Self-Care

Self-care gets a lot of buzz these days, but nowhere is it more important than when you’re caring for someone with a serious illness such as bipolar disorder. It’s essential to dedicate time to your own physical and mental health, whether that’s going to a support group, talking to a therapist or attending a yoga class.

Being in a healthy relationship with someone with bipolar disorder requires not only careful management of their illness, but also setting aside time to take good care of yourself.

I hope this has helped to shed some light on a subject we rarely see in the media, yet 1 in 50 Australians experience at least once in their lifetime.

Parenting in a society of “infobesity”

I can remember taking my 1st parenting course 38years ago when my eldest was born. A group of us ladies would meet in the town hall every Wednesday. A Phycologist would come and talk to us about the importance of raising children well and our responsibility to our children over a lifetime. The course was run over 6 weeks and for me I found it very help and a solid springboard into what was to come.

Parents have information overload on the net, and I am hearing everyone giving their opinions.

We have a society of “infobesity”

As a daughter, mother, grandmother and a Family Therapist, I will certainly try not to overwhelm you with the following information. My intention is to help cut through the grey matter and education with compassion.

There are several different parenting styles that have been identified by researchers in the field of psychology.

The four main parenting styles are:

  1. Authoritative parenting: This parenting style is characterised by parents who are both responsive and demanding. They establish clear rules and boundaries, but are also warm and nurturing towards their children. This parenting style was first identified by Diana Baumrind in the 1960s.
  2. Authoritarian parenting: This parenting style is characterised by parents who are highly demanding and directive, but not responsive to their children’s needs. They establish strict rules and punishments, and often use physical discipline. This parenting style was also identified by Diana Baumrind.
  3. Permissive parenting: This parenting style is characterised by parents who are highly responsive to their children’s needs, but not demanding. They may have few rules or boundaries, and may allow their children to make many decisions on their own. This parenting style was first identified by Baumrind and later expanded upon by Maccoby and Martin.
  4. Uninvolved parenting: This parenting style is characterised by parents who are neither responsive nor demanding. They may be neglectful or indifferent to their children’s needs, and may provide little guidance or support. This parenting style was also identified by Maccoby and Martin.

It’s worth noting that there are other parenting styles that have been proposed by researchers as well, but these four are the most well-known and widely studied.

However Child psychologists generally agree that there are several key principles that parents can follow to promote healthy development and well-being in their children. These principles can be considered “best practices” in parenting.

Here are some examples:

  1. Provide love and emotional support: Children thrive when they feel loved, valued, and supported by their parents. Parents can show affection, praise their children’s efforts and accomplishments, and be available to listen and provide emotional support.
  2. Set clear boundaries and expectations: Children also need structure and consistency in their lives. Parents can set clear rules and expectations for behaviour, while also being responsive to their children’s needs and feelings.
  3. Use positive reinforcement: Instead of focusing solely on punishments or consequences for misbehaviour, parents can also use positive reinforcement to encourage good behaviour. This can include verbal praise, rewards, or privileges.
  4. Encourage independence and autonomy: As children grow and develop, it’s important for them to learn to be independent and make their own decisions. Parents can support this process by gradually giving their children more freedom and responsibility, while also providing guidance and support as needed.
  5. Model healthy behaviours: Children learn by watching and imitating their parents. Therefore, it’s important for parents to model healthy behaviours, such as good communication skills, stress management, and healthy lifestyle habits.

Overall, best practice parenting involves balancing warmth and support with structure and guidance, while also being responsive to each child’s unique needs and personality.

Couples often argue about parenting because they may have different ideas about what is best for their children, or different parenting styles that they have developed based on their own upbringing, personal values, or cultural background. Here are some common reasons why couples may argue about parenting:

  1. Different parenting styles: As I mentioned earlier, there are several different parenting styles that parents may adopt, and partners may have different approaches based on their own experiences and beliefs. For example, one partner may be more strict and authoritarian, while the other may be more permissive and lenient.
  2. Differing expectations: Partners may also have different expectations about their roles and responsibilities as parents, or different expectations about how their children should behave. For example, one partner may expect their children to be more independent, while the other may be more protective and cautious.
  3. Lack of communication: Communication is key in any relationship, but it’s especially important when it comes to parenting. Partners may argue if they aren’t communicating effectively about their parenting goals, strategies, or concerns.
  4. Stress and fatigue: Raising children can be stressful and exhausting, and partners may argue more when they are feeling overwhelmed or burnt out. This can lead to disagreements about how to handle specific situations, such as discipline or household chores.
  5. Prioritising different needs: Finally, partners may argue about parenting if they have different priorities or needs that they feel are not being met. For example, one partner may prioritise spending time with their children, while the other may prioritize their career or personal hobbies.

It’s worth noting that there are some new and emerging parenting models that may not have been extensively studied or that may have conflicting research findings.

For example, some new age parenting models include:

  1. Attachment parenting: Attachment parenting emphasises the importance of forming strong emotional bonds between parents and children, and may involve practices such as co-sleeping, baby wearing, and extended breastfeeding. While some studies have found positive outcomes associated with attachment parenting, others have raised concerns about potential negative effects on maternal mental health, infant sleep, and child development.
  2. Free-range parenting: Free-range parenting is based on the idea of giving children more independence and autonomy, such as allowing them to walk to school or play unsupervised in a park. However, research on the effectiveness and safety of free-range parenting is limited, and some experts have raised concerns about potential risks and safety issues.
  3. Positive parenting: Positive parenting emphasises the use of positive reinforcement and non-punitive discipline strategies to promote children’s emotional regulation and social skills. While some studies have found positive outcomes associated with positive parenting, others have raised concerns about potential negative effects on children’s self-esteem and the need for clear boundaries and consequences.

Overall, it’s important for parents to be cautious when considering new or emerging parenting models, and to seek out evidence-based practices and advice from qualified experts in the field.

Top of Form

NOTE: Children should never be a parent’s science project, parent with caution! Look for strong evidence based parenting models. Parents should communicate to understand each other’s point view and not necessarily to be right.

There are several types of parenting that can create trauma in children. Trauma is defined as an experience or event that overwhelms a child’s ability to cope, and can have lasting negative effects on their emotional, cognitive, and social development.

Here are some examples of parenting practices that can create trauma in children:

  1.  Neglectful parenting: Neglectful parenting is characterised by a lack of attention, affection, and basic needs, such as food, clothing, and shelter. Children who experience neglect may feel invisible, unimportant, and unworthy, and may struggle with emotional regulation, attachment, and trust.
  2. Abusive parenting: Abusive parenting can take many forms, including physical, emotional, and sexual abuse. Children who experience abuse may develop symptoms of anxiety, depression, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and may have difficulty forming healthy relationships with others. Alcohol is the No 1 course of abuse in relationships and children can be traumatised directly or through association.
  3. Authoritarian parenting: Authoritarian parenting is characterised by strict rules, harsh punishment, and a lack of warmth or emotional support. Children who grow up in authoritarian households may develop low self-esteem, poor social skills, and may struggle with autonomy and independence.
  4. Permissive parenting: Permissive parenting is characterised by a lack of boundaries, rules, and structure. Children who grow up in permissive households may struggle with emotional regulation, impulse control, and may have difficulty with academic or occupational success.
  5. Inconsistent parenting: Inconsistent parenting involves unpredictable and erratic behaviour, such as fluctuating between strict rules and lax rules or harsh punishment and leniency. Children who grow up in inconsistent households may feel anxious, insecure, and may struggle with trust and emotional regulation.

It’s important to note that trauma can result from a combination of factors, including parenting practices, environmental stressors, and genetic vulnerabilities. Therefore, it’s important for parents to seek out resources and support if they are struggling with parenting or if their child is experiencing trauma.

It’s important for couples to recognise that disagreements about parenting are normal and can be resolved through open communication, compromise, and mutual respect. Seeking the help of a professional, such as a family therapist, can also be beneficial in resolving conflicts and strengthening the relationship. Often parents have their own undealt with childhoods, this can complicate matters until such time as they have the courage to look deeply into the revision mirror and seek help and healing.

Whilst I am on the parenting trail, I have to make mention of responsible parenting around technology.

Like it or not technology is here to stay and it is evolving faster than you can blink. Childrens use of technology has been added to the ever growing responsible parenting list. Never before has children had so much choice at the tip of their fingers. It is up to all parents to help their children understand the 5 little friends have I rule! Five little friends have I who what when where and why.

Note: The youngest child I have had in my office who had been effected by porn use was 8yrs old it was viewed on another child’s phone in the playground. This is becoming more common that you may think.

Tip: Create a values based “Family Culture

Research suggests that teaching children about responsible and ethical technology use is important for their healthy development and well-being.

Here are some key values and skills that children should learn when it comes to using technology:

  1. Digital citizenship: Children should learn about the responsible use of technology and their role as responsible digital citizens. This includes understanding the importance of online privacy and safety, treating others with respect, and being mindful of their digital footprint.
  2. Media literacy: Children should learn critical thinking skills to evaluate the accuracy and credibility of information they encounter online, including recognising fake news and online scams.
  3. Self-regulation: Children should learn to manage their technology use and develop self-control when it comes to screen time, gaming, and social media. This can help prevent negative consequences such as addiction, sleep disturbances, and reduced physical activity.
  4. Creativity and innovation: Children should learn how to use technology to express themselves creatively and innovatively, such as through coding, digital art, and online collaboration.
  5.  Balanced use: Children should learn to balance their use of technology with other activities such as physical activity, face-to-face social interactions, and creative play.

It’s important for parents to model responsible technology use themselves and to have open and ongoing conversations with their children about their technology use and values. Additionally, schools and educators can play a role in promoting responsible technology use and digital citizenship through curriculum and policies.

Researchers have found eight motivations for cheating

Researchers have found eight motivations for cheating: “anger, self-esteem, lack of love, low commitment, need for variety, neglect, sexual desire, and circumstance.” Of course, few actions have just one cause, and cheating is likely brought on by a combination of the above. In a relationship there are two players, and each have a part to play.

As psychotherapist and sexuality expert Esther Perel explained in The Atlantic in 2017, cheating is rarely if ever clear cut—and people can cheat even if they are in a perfectly functional relationship. The varied motivations uncovered by this study show that cheating can be brought on by personal issues (self-esteem, need for variety) just as likely as it can be brought on by more direct personal conflict (anger, lack of love).

Emotions can also get complex. The excuse that “it’s just sex” doesn’t appear to be true, according to the research. About two-thirds of participants expressed some kind of affection for the person they cheated with—but not necessarily to an extreme extent. One in ten participants admits to telling the person, “I love you.” In fact, for about half of participants, sex isn’t even a part of the equation: about 50% of participants reported vaginal intercourse, but nearly 87% reported kissing.

There is some evidence that suggests Millennials are less likely to cheat in relationships than previous generations—though the evidence isn’t conclusive enough to say that 100%, The Atlantic reported in 2019. This may be because younger generations are waiting longer to get married and are, in general, becoming more selective in marriages: They might just be more likely to end up with the right person (though, ultimately, that’s not necessarily a preventative to cheating).

Why do people serial cheat?

There is some truth to the belief that once someone is a cheater, they’re always a cheater. A 2017 study found that participants who reported cheating in their relationship were three times as likely to cheat in their next relationship, compared to those who didn’t. This can also be incredibly destabilising for the partner that was cheated on: those who were suspicious of their partner cheating were four times more likely to report suspicion of cheating in their next relationship.

Why do happy people cheat?

As terrible as it is to hear the cliché, “it’s not you, it’s me,” there is some truth to that statement when it comes to cheating. According to Perel, sometimes happy people cheat simply because they’re experiencing a longing for something new. This could be because an affair offers them a sense of novelty and excitement, even if their relationship—or marriage—is perfectly stable. “Being with a different person offers a chance to redefine themselves and explore different components of their personality that they may not feel able to explore in the confines of their relationship. “It’s not that the individuals having the affairs want to leave their partners, but the people they have become.

Of course, cheating is never an answer to problems like this, and there are other ways to achieve this kind of personal development. “I often say to my patients that if they could bring into their marriage one-tenth of the boldness and the playfulness that they bring to their affair, their home life would feel quite different.

Does cheating always mean the end of a relationship?

What cheating does to a relationship varies? The 2020 study found that only about 20% of relationships ended because of the affair—but only about a third of participants who cheated admitted their infidelity to their partners. About 20% of couples stayed together despite one partner finding out the other cheated. It’s far less likely for cheating to lead to a new relationship, too: only 11% percent of participants who reported cheating had broken up with their partner to be with the person they had cheated with. It seems like an affair is an escape—but not to a new, healthy relationship.

Perel herself—while certainly not an advocate for cheating—understands that cheating doesn’t have to end a relationship. But to heal from it, she stresses the importance of both parties getting an understanding of the other (which might sound crazy, but bear with her for a moment): If the party that was cheated on can, for a moment, try to learn what cheating did for the person who committed the act and how it made them feel, then both parties may turn “the experience of infidelity into an enlarging emotional journey.

That doesn’t mean that forgiveness has to be instant, or that it even has to happen at all—it depends on the person, the relationship, and how you might consider changing going forward. If you do decide to stay together, that might mean trying to reignite the flame.

The bottom line? There’s no guaranteed way to prevent cheating, and whether an affair will signal the end of your relationship depends on a wide range of factors, all of which are personal to the individual. And, yes, it hurts all around.

Infidelity does not mean that the love is gone or never existed. The reality is that you can love someone and still cheat on them. In fact, many affairs happen in relationships that are otherwise very happy.

Even if the love is still there, in general a woman who’s unhappy in her relationship may be more inclined to cheat. Whether because of anger, home, financial problems, family trouble—a dismissive unemotional partner-the list goes on—they may feel cheating will offer them what their current relationship isn’t.

Individual Risk Factors

The general rule is that it takes two to tango, or in this case, to mess up their marriage with an affair, but there are certainly exceptions. Individual factors that may increase the chance of infidelity include:

  • Addiction: Substance abuse issues, whether it’s addiction to alcohol, drugs, gambling, or something else, are clear risk factors. Alcohol, in particular, can reduce inhibitions so that a person who wouldn’t consider having an affair when sober, may cross the line.
  • Attachment style: Some attachment styles, such as attachment avoidance or attachment insecurity, as well as intimacy disorders have also been looked at in relationship to a propensity to cheat. Poor self-esteem and insecurity can also raise the risk of an affair as a way to prove worthiness. (this is a very common)
  • Childhood trauma: Having a history of childhood trauma (such as physical, sexual, or emotional abuse or neglect) is associated with a higher chance that a person will cheat (if he or she has not addressed the trauma and has unresolved issues). (This is very common)
  • Exposure to infidelity in childhood: Previous experience with cheating can also increase the risk of infidelity. A 2015 review found that children who are exposed to a parent having an affair are twice as likely to have an affair themselves.5
  • Mental illness: Some mental illnesses, such as bipolar disorder are a risk factor for cheating in marriage.
  • Psychological issues: Narcissistic traits or personality disorders are associated with a greater likelihood of cheating. With narcissism, an affair may be driven by ego and a sense of entitlement. In addition to being self-centred, people with these disorders often lack empathy, so they don’t appreciate the impact of their actions on their spouse.

Cry for Help vs. Exit Strategy

In some marriages, an affair is a cry for help, a way to force the couple to finally face the problems that an individual or both parties are aware of but aren’t addressing. In some cases the partner often actually tries to get caught as a way of bringing the issue to the fore. Other times a partner may simply see infidelity as an exit strategy—a way to end an unhappy marriage.

Regardless of the underlying reason a spouse cheats, it can either devastate a marriage or be the catalyst for rebuilding it, depending upon how the infidelity is dealt with.

Research for you further interest: Clinical Phycologist Dr Jordan Peterson If Someone BETRAYED Your Trust In A Relationship, WATCH THIS! | Jordan Peterson – YouTube

“The Truth about love & modern relationships” Do you feel alone in your relationship?

“The Quality of your relationships is what determines the quality of your life.”

Bonds and connections -Meaning, Wellbeing and Happiness

Needing: Security, Safety, Adventure & Exploration

In your relationship:

Who’s the one more in touch with the fear of losing the other? Who’s the one more in touch with the fear of losing themselves?

Who’s more afraid of abandonment and who’s more afraid of suffocation?

“Survival of the family depends on the happiness of the couple.”

Challenges of relationships:

PAST: Until death do us apart

Dictated by rules, religion provided clear structure and social hierarchy.

“A Patriarchal society” Where men were weak for showing vulnerability, they made the rules and a women’s place was in the home with little to no voice.

This model is centuries old, there are boundaries and clear expectations for males and females. This model is not without its peril.

MODERN: Until love dies

Reconciling security and adventure- Reconciling love and desire

The modern relationship has become one of the greatest challenges in life.

We have much information available to us, we are left burning for answers to what is good and best for the relationship and the family.

Today’s relationships lack boundaries, mutual respect, clearly defined roles, nurturing, connection & resilience.

In a world where most things are disposable your relationship should not be one of them

Bread winner? This is no longer clear.

Who has the right to ask for intimacy, foreplay & sex?

Career has become a priority over partner/family.

“Options and Choices”

Am I happy enough?

Conversations have become the “heart” of relationships, yet they lack honest & deep respectful communication.

Poor communication and misaligned expectations are two of the main reasons many modern relationships fail.

We long for our partner to hear and acknowledge us, we are crying out “be interested in me” “spend time with me.”

What does it mean “Looking for the one?” in the SWIPING/ SCREENAGER CULTURE.

“The Romantic Consumption economy”

Is there really a Soulmate? Or an anxious attachment style?

When you think you have found “The one” It’s all new and shiny, what happens to the modern relationship when the shine becomes matt?

A modern relationship is plagued with fear, insecurity, blame, childhood trauma and rejection.

What is your perspective on long everlasting relationships?

What do you think it takes?

Modern relationships are quick to throw away the relationship/family, with little understanding of the casualties “the children” A childhood changed forever not a redo available to them. Their safe island mum and dad have now become sparring partners for many years ahead.

Is the romantic type of love special?

 3 Primary sexual revolutions:

  1. The advent of contraception
  2. Women empowerment
  3. The Gay Movement

The modern relationship…Where do men fit in? What is their role when women are empowered and told they can do it all?

Why is it, men spend long hours at the office, row boats, bike ride, go to the gym and feel its ok for the modern working women to run the house and care for the babies and children?

Is it the modern relationship also a solo relationship?

Is the modern relationship a every women & man for themselves relationship?  “Selfish”

Modern Relationship Tip: You cannot compare new and shiny sex with existing relationship sex…new & shiny hits your dopamine receptors like a drug, you long for more until it becomes existing sex or relationship sex.

People who chase the new & shiny high, are not deep connection people. These people hold little value for themselves and others…. they are lost, they may mistake sex for being wanted, even loved.

Today, we turn to one person to provide what an entire village once did: a sense of grounding, meaning, and continuity. …

The grand illusion of committed love is that we think our partners are ours. 

Pleasure and connection, there is no other motive -“So it better be good!”

Divorce rates are going up and families are breaking up, we need to learn more about what is going on! If you are ever going to “wing it” it’s not in a marriage or a family.

Trauma bonding is a complex psychological phenomenon

Trauma bonding is a complex psychological phenomenon in which an individual forms an unhealthy and dysfunctional attachment to a person, group, or organisation that is causing them emotional or physical harm.

This bond can be especially strong in situations where the individual is dependent on the abuser for survival or when the abuser alternates between abuse and kindness, creating confusion and a sense of being trapped.

Trauma bonding can occur in many different types of relationships, including those between parents and children, romantic partners, social workers, and cult members and more… It can lead to a cycle of abuse and victimisation that is difficult to break and can have long-lasting effects on a person’s mental health and well-being, effecting their quality of life. Therapy and support from trusted individuals can be helpful in breaking the cycle of trauma bonding.

In marriages where there is a trauma bond, there are often cycles of abuse and reconciliation. The cycle typically consists of three phases:

  • Tension-building phase: This phase is characterised by an increase in tension and conflict between the partners. The abusive partner may become increasingly critical, moody, or unpredictable, causing the victim to feel on edge and anxious.
  • Explosive or abusive phase: This phase is marked by an outburst of abusive behaviour from the abusive partner, such as physical violence, emotional abuse, or verbal abuse. The victim may feel trapped, scared, and powerless during this phase.
  • Honeymoon or reconciliation phase: In this phase, the abusive partner may apologise, show remorse, or make promises to change. The victim may feel relief and hope that things will get better. This phase can reinforce the trauma bond as the victim may feel a sense of attachment and loyalty to the abuser, believing that they can change or that the relationship can be saved.

However, over time, the cycle of abuse and reconciliation may become more frequent, with the honeymoon phase becoming shorter and less effective. The trauma bond can become stronger, making it increasingly difficult for the victim to leave the relationship. It is important to recognise the signs of a trauma bond and seek professional help to break the cycle of abuse.

Fixing trauma bonding in a marriage can be a complex and challenging process, and it often requires professional help. Here are some steps that may be helpful in addressing trauma bonding in a marriage:

  • Acknowledge the problem: The first step in addressing trauma bonding is to acknowledge that there is a problem. It is important for both partners to recognise that the cycle of abuse and reconciliation is unhealthy and damaging to the relationship.
  • Seek professional help: Trauma bonding can be difficult to break on your own. Seeking the help of a therapist or counsellor who has experience in working with trauma bonding can be helpful in addressing the underlying issues and developing strategies for breaking the cycle of abuse.
  • Develop a safety plan: If you are in an abusive relationship, it is important to develop a safety plan to protect yourself and any children involved. This may include identifying safe places to go, developing a code word or signal to use with trusted friends or family members, and setting boundaries with the abusive partner.
  • Build a support system: Having a strong support system can be crucial in breaking a trauma bond. This may include reaching out to friends or family members who are supportive, joining a support group for survivors of domestic violence, or connecting with a therapist or counsellor.
  • Focus on self-care: Taking care of yourself is essential in the healing process. This may include engaging in activities that bring you joy, setting boundaries with the abusive partner, practicing self-compassion, and seeking medical attention if needed.
  • Consider leaving the relationship: If the abuse is ongoing and the relationship is not safe, it may be necessary to leave the relationship. This can be a difficult decision, but sometimes it is the only way to break the cycle of abuse and trauma bonding.

While narcissism is not necessarily a product of trauma bonding, there may be a connection between the two.

Individuals who have experienced trauma, such as abuse or neglect, may develop coping mechanisms that involve a heightened sense of self-importance or self-centeredness, which can sometimes manifest as narcissism. Note: Childhood trauma can be a catalyst for narcissism by way of protection. This is because narcissism can serve as a defence mechanism to protect against further trauma or to compensate for feelings of inadequacy or insecurity.

Additionally, individuals who have experienced trauma may be more susceptible to trauma bonding and may develop unhealthy attachments to partners or caregivers who exhibit narcissistic behaviour. This can reinforce the trauma bond and make it more difficult to leave the relationship.

However, it is important to note that not all individuals who experience trauma develop narcissistic tendencies, and not all narcissists have a history of trauma bonding. Narcissism is a complex personality trait that can have a variety of causes, including genetic and environmental factors, and should be evaluated on a case-by-case basis.

A healthy relationship bond is characterised by trust, respect, mutual support, and open communication. Here are some signs of a healthy relationship bond:

  1. Mutual trust: Trust is the foundation of any healthy relationship. In a healthy bond, both partners trust each other and feel safe being vulnerable and honest with each other.
  2. Respectful communication: Healthy relationships involve respectful communication. Partners listen to each other without judgment, communicate their thoughts and feelings clearly and honestly, and avoid blaming or criticising each other.
  3. Mutual support: In a healthy relationship bond, both partners provide support and encouragement to each other, and work together to overcome challenges and achieve their goals.
  4. Emotional connection: Emotional connection is an important part of a healthy bond. Partners can express their emotions to each other, and feel understood and supported.
  5. Independence and interdependence: In a healthy bond, partners maintain their own individuality and independence, while also recognising and valuing the interdependence of their relationship.
  6. Shared values and interests: Partners in a healthy bond share common values and interests, and enjoy spending time together doing activities they both enjoy.
  7. Boundaries: Healthy relationships involve setting and respecting boundaries. Partners can communicate their needs and limits, and respect each other’s boundaries.

In a healthy relationship bond, both partners feel valued, loved, and respected, and can grow and thrive together.

Note: You may like to research attachment styles it may surprise you how much your training (childhood) has to do with your attachment


What are the attachment styles?

Attachment styles refer to patterns of behaviour and thought that individuals develop in response to their early attachment experiences with primary caregivers. The four main attachment styles are:

  • Secure Attachment Style: Individuals with a secure attachment style feel comfortable with intimacy and can rely on others for support. They tend to have positive views of themselves and others, and are comfortable with emotional expression and vulnerability.
  • Anxious-Preoccupied Attachment Style: Individuals with an anxious-preoccupied attachment style are often preoccupied with their relationships and worry about rejection or abandonment. They tend to have negative views of themselves and positive views of others, and may struggle with low self-esteem and self-doubt.
  • Avoidant-Dismissive Attachment Style: Individuals with an avoidant-dismissive attachment style tend to avoid close relationships and may have difficulty expressing emotions or relying on others for support. They tend to have positive views of themselves and negative views of others, and may value independence and self-sufficiency.
  • Fearful-Avoidant Attachment Style: Individuals with a fearful-avoidant attachment style may have conflicting desires for closeness and distance in relationships. They may struggle with feelings of anxiety, mistrust, and fear of rejection, and may have negative views of themselves and others.

These attachment styles are based on the work of psychologists Mary Ainsworth and John Bowlby, who developed attachment theory to describe the ways in which early attachment experiences shape later behaviour and relationships. While these attachment styles are generally considered to be stable across the lifespan, it is important to note that individuals may also have different attachment styles in different relationships or contexts. Additionally, with awareness and effort, individuals can work to shift towards a more secure attachment style through therapy or self-reflection.

Here are links to help you understand you a little better.

The Attachment Theory: How Childhood Affects Life – YouTube

Childhood Trauma: The Lives of the Neglected Children – YouTube

5 Parenting Styles and Their Effects on Life – YouTube